by sylvia guinan salis

Created on: February 16, 2009   Last Updated: February 20, 2009

WHAT DO CHILDREN REALLY NEED?

Children need parents who respect their individuality, understand their learning needs, and maintain firm boundaries when necessary. Above all, children need parents who can uphold a positive atmosphere in the home, whilst fostering emotional intelligence in their children.

ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE

The above three words say it all. If parents were to make this their mantra, then they would create not only healthy relationships with their children but also sow the seeds of love and happiness in the heart and soul of every child. Being positive in the home means that parents show respect for each other and refrain from criticizing, unless in a constructive, loving way. With children, we should catch them being good, rather than nit-pick at every little fault or mistake. We should offer genuine praise, and show we love them by listening with an open heart, and spending precious time with them.

NEGATIVITY IS THE ROOT OF ALL DYSFUNCTION

Negativity is endemic in our society, though its toxicity is rarely recognized unless it comes in extreme forms. We are all shocked by child abuse and wife battering, but where does this vicious circle begin? Abusive parents were belittled as children, often by well-meaning parents who believed that punishment was the only way to instill discipline. The problem with punishment is that it takes on a life of its own, and what might start out as a little slap, quickly escalates if there is an ongoing power struggle in the home PERFECTIONISM BREEDS DEFIANCE

Whilst most parents never resort to shocking extremes of violence, they are nevertheless, overly conscientious with regard to discipline. Through no fault of their own, they find themselves criticizing and nagging their children. This in effect is counter productive, as it damages self esteem and creates a new brand of defiance that wasn't there before.

FILL YOUR LOVE TANK

The irony of parental struggle is that parents are often guilty of loving too much. Worrying excessively about our kids creates self- esteem issues, as they develop a nagging sense of inferiority, which can haunt them throughout their adult lives. Such frantic parenting also depletes our own inner resources. When we are tired and rundown, we are unlikely to muster the patience and creativity necessary for raising kids. It stands to reason, then, that you must give yourself more loving attention, instead of feeding the worry monster.

SELFISHNESS IS GOOD

Love yourself by finding time to be alone.

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