by Zachary Green

Created on: February 16, 2009

Aww, Little Timmy, you say you saw a monster? Don't worry not, let me tell you something. Since as long as there have been closets, there have been kids who see monsters in them.
It's a problem every parent, at one time or another, must deal with; and unfortunately it's not a onetime thing. For some reason, despite your parent's constant reassurance to the contrary, you still believe in monsters.

Sure, you live in a world of make believe. One day you're an astronaut police man chasing criminals, or Spiderman, slinging webs and doing spiderlike stuff. And the next, you're watching a Japanese anime, where magical creatures kept in a ball fight other creatures. Maybe your line of reality is slightly blurred, much like the line a drunk tries to walk for a police officer. But just because the line is blurry, doesn't mean you can't walk it.

I know that after a long day of imagining you must be tired and hungry, and sometimes your eyes can play tricks on you. Don't worry though, it's perfectly normal to have hallucinations when sleep deprived and in a dark room. I myself have had numerous hallucinations, most of them in the 70's. This one time I saw my buddy's face change into a rainbow and fly away. But just because you see something, doesn't mean it's real. Remember that.

I can see from your face that you still think there's a monster in your closet. Well what do you think it is the monster wants?
Do you think it wants to scare you?

I can tell you with absolute certainty that if monsters did exist they wouldn't care about scaring. No, more than likely they would be hungry and looking for something to eat. But that right there is just silly. If a monster was in our house, and was hungry, it would probably come for me, not you. I'm much bigger and would provide it with a much better meal. While it came after me you would have plenty of time to escape.
So don't worry, okay?

Of course you realize that the scenario I just proposed could never happen, seeing as how there are no monsters. Sure, we live in an age of gene splicing and cloning, but not monsters.
And yah, there are millions of people who believe in Extraterrestrials, we may even have proof of their existence, but an alien is not a monster. We even have people among us who act like monsters, Jeffery Dahmer would actually eat people, but he didn't have any horns or fangs. Nope, there's not one single, actual monster among us; and most certainly not one in your closet.

So for the last time little Timmy, go back to bed, there's no such thing as monsters. Yes, there is an ageless old fat man in the north pole who employees a team of magical elves to build toys and delivers them to you with the help of flying reindeer, and also a fairy who comes at night to take your baby teeth in exchange for quarters. There's even a rabbit that comes to our house to hide a basket of candy for you, but don't be silly, there's definitely no such thing as monsters. Now sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite.

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