by Jonathan Greengrass

Created on: February 16, 2009

Rejection can be absolutely soul-destroying. It causes many of us to examine the fact that we are just not good enough for someone. I remember vividly the first time i was knocked back by a prospective girlfriend. Putting a long story short it hurt like hell. I remember sitting in my room listening to sad music that i knew would just make me more and more depressed, allowing myself to slowly spiral down into a deep feeling of worthlessness. This gives me the base to tell you that this is not an acceptable way to spend weeks, if not months of your life.

The first reason why people fear rejection is that at a very base level, it is being told that you physically are not good enough. In many disciplines, this isn't such a bad thing, as you can practice and improve until you are good enough. However, in dating this can be soul destroying, as we can't really change what god gave us. This is really the most difficult thing to get over, especially if you believe that this person was 'the one' for you. The first thing that we need to realise to conquer our fear of rejection is that there isn't that one person who we are destined to be with. Humans are social animals, and with six billion of us on the planet it is inconceivable that there is only one person that we are truly destined to be with. By understanding that there are 'more fish in the sea' it makes the rejection easier, especially if we believe our prospective mate to be special.

Another way we can conquer our fears is just to release ourselves from the assumption that a rejection means that we aren't good enough. Especially with women, there can be more reasons as to why the person doesn't want a relationship with you. They may have just split from a long term relationship, or may have other goals that they don't feel are compatible with love. They may be mooning over someone else themselves, or maybe just that they don't see themselves with you. By no means is a rejection an indicator that you aren't good enough. This makes it less soul destroying if you open declaration of desire isn't met with approval.

Another reason why people shouldn't fear rejection is that the one you are asking will generally let you down gently. Doubtless they have been in the same place as you, and have been rejected themselves. They know how painful it can be and, if you're close enough to them to have asked them out, they won't want to hurt your feelings. They'll be firm (they won't want you asking again just for another rejection), but they'll generally be kind and gentle. You can't expect anyone to love you out of sympathy, and so if they don't feel the same its not worth getting distraught about. Very few people will say "oh my god no! Not in a million years!". And even then, if they do, they're not the person you thought they were and therefore aren't worth wasting your time moping about over.

Finally, its worth thinking about the upside of asking someone out. If that special someone says yes, then it could mean months if not years of absolute bliss. Surely this by far outweighs the downside of the rejection, no matter how painful it can seem at the time. There's a reason for the saying "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". At the end of the day, if you fear rejection so much that you take yourself out of the romance game entirely, you will never get the highs of being accepted and loved, no matter how you look.

So the message of what I'm saying is this:

Sure its gonna hurt, and you wouldn't have cared in the first place if it didn't. That shouldn't mean that you take yourself out of the game entirely, otherwise love will never come your way. So get out there, and find that special someone!

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