by Cara Dack

Created on: February 16, 2009   Last Updated: February 19, 2009

There are three people in my marriage; me, my husband and the "mistress". Unfortunately the mistress isn't a flesh and blood floozy that I can track down and maim, it's a piece of hardware that sits in our living room and demands my husband's constant attention. To be fair, computers are his work, but he still manages to spend an inordinate amount of time gaming. He once played solidly for about 20 hours. The rules have changed somewhat since then though so here's my advice for maintaining a successful relationship when there is a computer on the scene.

1. Be Grateful

Sound strange? Well yes, maybe it is but look at the situation this way. All men (and women) have their vices and in the grand scheme of things gaming isn't so bad. While your man is tapping away at a keyboard he isn't down the local pub getting drunk, there may be scantily clad girls in the game but at least he isn't at a strip joint or worse and yes it may take away as much of his time but it doesn't take anywhere near as much of his money as any of the other vices he could have. So on those occasions where his lack of attention is driving you mad, remember all the much worse things he could be doing.

2. Communicate

Dragging his attention away may be difficult, so grab him when he isn't engrossed and explain how the situation is affecting you. Communication is the key in any good marriage and it's just as important here. It may be that he doesn't realise just how upset you are by his behaviour so explain that his continual gaming is making you feel left out. Telling him calmly how the situation is making you feel will hopefully encourage him to change his behaviour somewhat.

3. Demand Some "Us" Time

Insist that the two of you spend some quality time together doing something you both enjoy. Have a house rule that the computer get switched off a couple of nights a week to enable some couple time, that way he still gets to satisfy his gaming urges the rest of the time without you feeling so resentful.

4. Take an Interest

Take the time occasionally to ask about the game he is playing, most games don't require his full attention and he should be able to explain what is going on. You may be surprised at how interesting some of the games he is playing are; you may even find you want a go yourself. Do resist the urge to watch constantly though, gaming is his way of relaxing and it's not particularly relaxing when there is someone constantly looking over your shoulder.

5. If All Else Fails

There's always a sledgehammer! OK maybe not although I have seriously suggested it to my husband at times.

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