by Daniel Sisk

Created on: February 15, 2009

I recently traveled to the Baltimore area on business. My first experience navigating an eastern turnpike had me thrown into the evening rush hour. The rental car agent warned about the toll for the Harbor Tunnel ("you have to pay for tunnels, too?"), so I had two dollars at the ready. Entering the toll plaza, I veered over to a likely booth. Drawing closer, I realized the booth was empty and offered no way to pay the toll! Pressured from behind and bewildered, I rolled through and back into traffic. Dread and guilt glued me to the mirrors for whatever flashing lights might race into view. None did, so I sped on.

But my mind swarmed with all the possible repercussions: fines, penalties, lost presidential appointments. I immediately recalled Tom Daschle and Tim Geithner, President Obama's tax-challenged cabinet picks who had assumed their "innocent mistakes" lay beyond public sniffing. I sure didn't want to fall in with that lot. Besides, what about my patriotic duty?

As a rule, I at least try to complete an accurate tax return. But I rest easy knowing the IRS will quickly catch my mistakes (bless their hearts). Perhaps they were too busy watching me to keep an eye on Obama's Chief Performance Officer nominee Nancy Killefer and the $946.69 in payroll taxes she owed for maids.

I work hard to present a positive face to my teenagers. But I've been thinking of giving them a little taste of their future income tax obligations. We'd start by withholding a little allowance each month. Then, at years end, they'd complete a simple return reflecting the typical esoteric computational gyrations, like dividing total allowance by the number of candy wrappers in their bed, multiplying by the number of trips to the fridge, and adding the number of dirty socks left around the house. Then subtract line 42 from line 39, unless it's Tuesday, then.... You get the idea.

The patriotic idea gets a little tricky, though. It's not really patriotism that drives me. Just trying to pay my share whatever that is. The peaceniks of the Cold War immediately come to mind. They boycotted paying taxes in objection to military policies like stockpiling nuclear weapons.

Maybe they were onto something. We could pay our taxes like the easterners pay for tunnels and turnpikes. We could route our money to select government agencies based on usage and preference. Agencies could even compete for our money by being more efficient and responsive (don't laugh). The folks that didn't like the Iraqi war or Patriot Act could send their money elsewhere. I suppose everyone would have to come up with their own definition of patriotism. But what's more democratic than that?

Though this approach seems neither practical nor fair, most would agree patriotism doesn't mean cutting checks to the government without question. At the very least, it means paying for the benefits and privileges one enjoys. Apparently, not everyone in government - republican or democrat - feels obligated. That's a problem.

Meanwhile, I'll try to keep my nose clean. No telling when the President may be calling.

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