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Calling children names that have a negative connotation is never an appropriate way to express our own anger or displeasure. As Adults, we must maintain control of our emotions as we care for our children and teach them to do the same for others, through our example. These little lives that have been entrusted to us are dependent upon us for more than just food and shelter. We are molding their spirits and building their self-esteem.

Children look to their parents for unconditional love and it should be given. This in no way means that there is no discipline, as this would not be love at all, but it means that the discipline we give will instruct and assist. It will be given with a calm and collected manner to promote growth in the child, not tearing them down, but building them up. Name calling is ineffective for raising a child, only breeding anger and sorrow in their heart.

When we call someone a name, we typically do so with our voice raised to a shouting level. Don't we all know that when we yell at a person, they will automatically begin to tune us out as a way of protecting themselves? This is the same with both children and adults. When we speak loudly and harshly, no one hears us. They hear only a cacaphony of noise.

One of my very best friends has yet to learn this lesson. I love her dearly, but am offended by the way that she speaks to her children. She will ask questions, such as, "Are you retarded?" This child is not, but she is rambunctious and gets into her share of predicaments. She is, however, also very bright and extremely loving. Now, at fifteen, she is still constantly in need of attention, even if it is negative. Since that's the primary type she's known, having gotten very little feedback for her good behavior, she acts out and poses an incredible challenge to my friend who was only raising her the only way she had ever been shown herself.

When our children are called names, they will often echo throughout the recesses of their minds for years, sometimes for their entire lives. It doesn't matter who they were called the name by. Even someone who is relatively unimportant in the life of the young person has the power in their words to create damage that will be difficult to repair. As parents, we must be careful that our voice isn't the one they hear in these echoes.

As further proof, take the example of my daughter's sixteen year old boyfriend. This young man is the dream of parents. He is intellectually gifted and proves it with exemplary grades. He has goals for himself and is making a way to fulfill them. He is a musician in the school band. He is giving and caring. He is also constantly criticized at home for not being what none of us can. He isn't perfect. A "B" on a report card should have been an "A". His trumpet piece had a slight flaw that was noticed by no one but his dad. His friends don't measure up. It seems that no matter what he does, it isn't good enough to warrant a word of praise. What will his life hold? I hope that he will be strong enough to go on his own and accomplish all he is capable of. Unfortunately, though, for now he is incredibly sad when he's at home in the midst of criticism and name-calling and does all he can to avoid being there.

We want the best for our children, but if we continue to put cracks in their sense of value about themselves, we will effectively crumble their foundation that they need to build a good life on. Calling names is never okay, no matter who is the recipient of your anger and foolishness. It is harmful and destructive. Sticks and stones may break their bones, but words may break their spirits.

Learn more about this author, Victoria Tiegert.
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