by Barbara Kasey Smith

Created on: February 14, 2009   Last Updated: February 21, 2009

Who gets custody of family friends after the divorce or death? This question has always amazed me because of the results that happen when a couple divorces or a husband dies. I will have to say that the majority of the people I have known where a wife is left without her spouse, shortly thereafter, the wife finds herself without any friends whatsoever. The friends they ran around with and the friends they shared their lives with are "no" longer are available to the wife. After a few weeks of courtesy calls, the telephone never rings anymore and the wife is left without any communication with her once friends and it leaves the wife in a turmoil not knowing why her friends have abandoned her. Not only is the wife left to grieve over a divorce or a death, she is left without the friends she cared so much about.

I feel a deep compassion for the wife left behind because oft times, jealousy comes into play and the wife is considered a threat to her once friends. The wife didn't do a thing to make the women jealous but her single availability makes her a threat to the other "married" women. I often wondered why a husband doesn't speak up, and ask, "Why isn't "Mary Doe" being included in our crowd anymore?" Maybe the husband does discuss it with his wife but who knows what her response to him is. One thing for sure, you don't see the lone wife around the crowd anymore.

I think this is a sad situation because these women never know when they are going to be on the outside looking in themselves. Why these women feel such a threat is beyond my understanding? If the wife was a trusted friend throughout the years, why did she all of a sudden become a threat? I'll tell you why, its because of a large amount of paranoia, speculations, and gossip between the other women. Here they have become judge and jury and a once dear friend is vanished from their midst without being able to defend herself.

I feel these women are cruel...they should realize if their husbands are interested in "Mary Doe," they'll be able to get in contact with her if they so choose without the approval of their wives. I hope I'm never in this situation because I consider my friends, my family, and I would be heart broken if I got this type of treatment.

We all need to rid ourselves of our paranoid jealous thoughts and be a friend to someone we have cared about and shared our lives with in the past. Reach out and touch of the wife who is left with an emptiness in her heart and a need for comforting words from a "real" friend. This will leave you with a feeling of love in your heart and mean the world to someone who is hurting.

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