by Leanne Coffman

Created on: February 14, 2009

As I opened the front door, a sudden desire to be teleported off the planet, to somewhere, anywhere but home overwhelmed me. My preference would have been to be whisked away to a land where the sun shone, my hair looked eternally good, and those around me smiled supportively and spoke in logical sentences. In short- a sane world. Alas, in the astral plane of Single-Parenthood, sanity is often sorely lacking.

On this evening in question, as many nights, my home planet was densely populated by the criminally insane. A property issue concerning a vanishing flat-iron was in violent dispute by two inmates. The dog, ever the connoisseur of hygiene, snored amidst the clean plies of laundry strewn about. One of the incarcerated was feverishly inscribing permanent marker hieroglyphics on walls. A teenage trustee had gone AWOL. Another teen, apparently afflicted with a strange language disorder, consisting of a single word- "whatever"- stared catatonic in front of a computer.

Familiar thoughts floated through my mind, "Calgon, take me away." Actually, given opportunity, I would've merrily run off with an ax wielding serial killer.

Parenting is an emotionally taxing process because it is your children's duty to make you crazy. Somewhere in the career description of "child" it states so in ultra-fine print. Just as we drove our parents to the brink, it is our legacy to have this enacted upon us. What makes it extremely tedious, as single parents, there is no one present to share the path to lunacy.

What's a single parent to do to gain (and retain) sanity? Four tips for your mental well-being, if a lobotomy is not a viable option:

1. Learn to Laugh- Laugh at yourself, at the situation, and in spite of former expectations. Some of your best future memories might be these crazy moments, if you handle them with laugher in the present.

2. Don't Let Them See You Sweat- Weigh outcome of your passion versus the actual incident at hand. Parents set the tone for the home. If you allow emotion to run rampant, it will have a melt-down effect into the minions. Follow advice of mental health providers, "Speak softly to the deranged". "Make no sudden movements."

3. Have an Outlet- Be it a hobby or an escape of some kind, give yourself sane, non-parenting time. You are more than a parent. It is a wellness check to develop these other aspects of your being. Make a list of things you dream of doing, being or experiencing-apart from kids. What can you do in the present?

4. Cultivate a Circle -In professional circles; they term these, "support groups". You can call them, "friends". Realization other compatriots are battling nutty teens, crazy kids and life in the trenches is a sanity saver.

There may be days when you will yearn for a tranquil Island escape. Although parenting is a lifelong job, kids do mature, lessening stress greatly. Administer laughter. Keep perspective. Make memories out of insanity. Find your creative outlet. Lean on cohorts. Most of all, remember- your parents survived you. It is possible (and even likely) you will emerge from parenting with all your marbles as well.

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