by Denise Calaman

Created on: February 14, 2009   Last Updated: October 12, 2009

Who doesn't enjoy a weekend road trip every now and then? There is nothing that feels quite so freeing as taking off for a long holiday weekend, speeding down the highway, in a convertible, the hot summer sun, kissing the top of your head. MY husband and I enjoyed one such weekend not long ago. We were lost in our own worlds, enjoying the music and the smell of the salt air, until we saw HIM. HE was a Maryland state trooper, dressed in his ugly brown uniform, his badge glistened in the sun as he walked out into the middle of the highway, with us speeding towards him. My husband had about 1500 feet to slam on the brakes and stop. I closed my eyes and prayed that he would be able to stop, or we'd be having bacon for breakfast.

My husband managed to get pulled over on the left shoulder of the busiest two lane highway in the state of Maryland. "What the?" we thought to ourselves. Who would be crazy enough to walk out in front of a speeding Jeep Wrangler. Wranglers easily top out at 50 miles per hour on the highway. Come to think of it maybe that's why he walked out if front of us as there were cars bulleting past us at upwards of 80 miles per hour. But wait! There was another difference between us and the other cars. Their plates all indicated that they were from Maryland. Our blue and gold plate advertised the most hated word in Maryland, PENNSYLVANIA. That word stuck out like a sore thumb.

I immediately became defensive. "Why is he pulling us over?" I yelled at the top of my lungs and began pointing my finger at the officer at the same time. My husband pulled my arm down. "Ohhhh, I see! It's because WE are from PA! They hate us coming down here to the beach! They hate us tourists! Ohhhh but its OK for them to be moving to PA in droves in order to find cheaper housing. Then they clog up our highways every weekday morning for their yuppie commutes!" I was standing on my seat at this point yelling at Buford T Justice. My husband put his toothpick arms around my waist and tried to pull me down, but I was holding myself up by the roll cage.

I went for the buttons on my shorts. I was going to show this officer of the lawless that the moon could definitely shine along with the sun. That's when my husband said between gritted teeth, "Unless you sit down, I will divorce you." I had to think about this for a minute, my retaliation more important to me in the heat of the moment than my marriage was.

I sat down and belted myself in, just to be sure the officer wouldn't give

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