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When I think about smacking a kid, I think with remorse about our middle child. Our oldest, a girl, was sugar and spice and every thing nice; our youngest was the baby of the family. Any discipline that we did with either of the two was so insignificant that it is not worth mentioning. But the middle one caught the wrath. And as it was, he had some sort of mannerism that really irritated me that the other two didn't seem to have. So as a young dad with little experience, I had to learn a very important lesson. Unfortunately I had to learn it the hard way.

I recall very vividly how we brought the little guy home from the hospital. I remember how I thought that it is too easy! No test to take, no promise to have to make that we'd be good parents. Just think, it's easier to be a parent than it is to get a driver's license. But at the age of 24 I became a parent for the first time. At age 26, our second child was born. I was ecstatic to have a boy. As a little baby he was such a joy. While our daughter didn't seem to respond to affection, our second child never refused a request to come and get a hug. And he would come with such a dreamy look in his eyes, I called him 'Dream Boat Boy'. But as he got a little older, that dream-look on his face turned into a glassy look, and when I was trying to scold him, it wasn't cute, it angered me. And I remember one day I snapped, and when I did, I smacked him. Slapped him right in the face. I cannot fully describe the feeling that came over me when I saw the look on his face. It was the worst feeling of my entire life. I loved him so much, but oh, he angered me. Yet, I realized just how much I loved him. I loved him unconditionally. I decided that day that I would never ever abuse him again. And guess what happened? Did his mannerism change? Not at all. He kept doing the things that rubbed me so wrong.Sometimes even blatantly, like he was baiting me. But I realized how strong my love was, and I resolved that my love would be stronger than my distaste for his actions. And I won. Unconditional love won!

Twice after that I did give him a spanking, but neither of those spankings were out of anger. On one occasion he lied to me, and on another occasion, he had said some nasty things that little boys are sometimes guilty of saying, but I couldn't let it stand. I remember as I hugged him, and told him how bad it was that he said what he did, that he said that he deserved a whipping. It was one of the hardest thing I ever did. Both of the punishments actually helped to bond us.

Today he is in his mid 30's, married, with a Bachelor of Science and a law degree, an awesome, totally well balanced young man. I am so glad that unconditional love won.

Last Christmas he broke to us the news to us that they are expecting their first one. I know beyond a doubt that their little one will need to be disciplined. But if smothered with unconditional love, it will never ever be out of anger. It will add to the love, and will always be the right thing.

Learn more about this author, Mac a'Bhaird.
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