by Lisa Raymond

Created on: February 13, 2009   Last Updated: February 21, 2009

Communication is key! For every obstacle, every conflict, every problem, there is a resolution and it begins with communication. Most people believe that communication is only verbal, however, there is nonverbal communication that matters just as much if not more, than speaking what is in your head and in your heart.

It has been said that actions speak louder than words, but I believe that your actions talk when words walk.

When dealing with an obstacle or conflict, it is best to listen to the other person and what they are saying, how they feel, and ultimately what they need to get past the obstacle. Be positive in your communication, not bringing up past experiences, problems or stories to gain positive resolution of the issue at hand. Most times, listening without responding is key (an action as opposed to verbal). Once you've heard the other person, respond accordingly by letting them know that: 1. you heard what they are saying and 2. You understand what they need (at that particular moment).

Example 1: A friend's uncle just passed, he is rightfully upset but is taking his emotions and feelings out on you (and anyone else around them). Your response to your friend may be: "I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle. How did he bring joy to your life?" By asking an open ended question, you are giving your friend a chance to vent, re-live good memories, or enjoy just being heard.

Example 2: Your child says that no one in school likes her and they pick on her. You say, "Honey, you are beautiful and smart. Kids are just jealous." She snaps at you and storms away to her room in tears. You have just communicated how YOU feel about her, not how SHE is feeling. To overcome this obstacle, you may say something like, "Honey, I hear you saying that you FEEL others ..... am I correct?" Showing her that you are listening to how she is feeling will allow her to express her feelings and get past this obstacle.

Utilizing simple techniques such as those listed above will lead you to a deeper understanding of others and even self. It will allow you to verbally and nonverbally communicate (and listen) to needs, wants and desires, openly with others. Verbal communication is showing that you have an understanding what the other person needs and how they feel. Non-verbal communication involves listening (not offering advice, stories, or one-upping). Remember communication is key!

Good Luck!

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