by DN

Created on: February 13, 2009

The story in a nutshell:

Alien (K. Reaves), pops over on his summer hols to make new friends. He lands his big sphere thing, steps out and goes to shake hands with a local girl and ask for directs to the nearest Maccies, it was a long trip and he's hungry. Enter US law enforcers.

"HE'S GOING TO SHAKE HANDS! SHOOT THE SH*T OUTA HIM!"

Bang. Ouch. Down Mr Alien goes.

"STOP FIRING! This ammo is expensive.."

What to do after killing an Alien? Rush him to hospital to save his life.

"We did it. We saved him. We're heroes."

Meanwhile Alien's big pet robot "Gurt" has been left behind by the sphere. A highly advanced piece of Alien technology, what to do with it...

"CALL IN THE PLANES! BLOW THE SH*T OUTA IT!"

Bang. Ouch. Planes go down. This is Gurt, not some silly Mr Reaves. Don't mess with Gurt.

Alien wakes up, he knows our language... "... Mac Donald's... Burger...."

Typical take me to your leader comments from Alien, but the President has decided he doesn't want to talk. Instead he wants Alien locked up and tortured for info. Alien decides to leave and go to MacDonald's.

Seriously. That actually happens.

After seeing the price of a burger at Maccies, he decides humanity is fu*ked up and tells Gurt to wipe us all out. Enter Will Smith Jr.

"Reaves, you're a *. If my dad was here he would totally wipe you and your kind outa existence."

"I doubt that."

"No, he would, haven't you seen Independence Day."

"I have seen the error of my ways, humanity deserves a second chance, Gurt lets go home."

The End.

The moral of the story is that humanity is killing the Earth and that to save the planet we need to give up are materialistic ways. Funnily enough, it tries to give us this message while plugging adverts for just about everything, from Maccies to Microsoft to Honda and many more. It somehow lessens the impact.

Even further reducing the impact of it's core message is the feeble attempts to excuse us of our destructive ways. Enter big science guy:

"Every civilisation needs to go to the brink of destruction before it can evolve into decent beings."

"Your right, for us are Sun was about to explode."

Wait. That's not the same thing, unless it was about to explode because you were blowing the sh*t outa it. And he's clearly not right. Humanity is smart enough to know what's coming, they need to do something ASAP. Gurt! Where's Gurt? Gurt, step on this scientist.

Finally, a comment about the unnamed Mr President. He refuses to talk to Mr Alien, he refuses to even think about talking about talking, he likes to blow the SH*T outa stuff, even stuff that's clearly not blow-up-able. He hires T-Bag (racist murdering child molesting psycho from Prison Break) as his chief army guy and the chick from Misery (psychotic novelist fan) as his chief of defence. OK, it refuses to actually say his name, but I think we can all spot Bush from a mile away by now.

Imagine the film with Obama in charge:

Alien (K. Reaves), pops over on his summer hols to make new friends. He lands his big sphere thing, steps out and goes to shake hands with the president Obama, waiting to greet him.

"You must be hungry Mr Alien, I'll take you to Maccies, dinner's on me."

"Wow, what a nice Change to the normal response I get. Can we be friends?"

"Yes, We Can."

The End.

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