by Joseph Kazer

Created on: February 12, 2009   Last Updated: February 14, 2009

Four Years

After four years it was amazing that Liz and I were still finding ways to care. The day was supposed to be about us, but my father had called this morning. That was a four year anniversary too. He didn't say he was sorry, and neither did I. So there she sat in the burgundy robe I'd bought her in Baltimore on a business trip, chewing gingerly on a dark chocolate. What's in this one, she asks laughing. I look between the nibbles and tell her it's marzipan. What's that she asks. It's like caramel for white people. She laughs again. On the kitchen counter a bottle of cheap Champagne waits for the evening after dinner. As does the leather couch in the living room where her vinyl collection hides. Every year we share a bottle and listen to the music that brought us together. Al Green, Junior Walker, and when we're really feeling nostalgic and good Otis Redding. Nothing sounds as good on Valentines day as Otis Redding, and we both know it. You haven't even looked at yours yet she says and flashes an honest smile. I concede and she hands me a parcel that crinkles when I touch it. I tear it off without really looking and for a moment it doesn't hit me. It's a photo like many others in the house. We're together as always, but my father is in this one. Before I can even ask she tells me straight. I called him she says. Why I ask, why'd you even bother? For you she says, I did it for you. We embrace, and this time I apologize.

The last person I want to see on Valentines day is joining us for dinner. A romantic dinner of all things. The kind of dinner you have with a good wine and veal. But he's alone I tell myself, he's all alone. So we spend the day together to make it worth the effort. We take a walk and smoke a cigarette even though we both quit. We hold hands and it feels good in the cold. She's wearing a beige sweater and designer jeans with boots and is clearly the better looking of the two of us. Why'd it have to be tonight I ask her. Any other time in the past four years would've seemed ideal. She pauses for a moment and adjusts her hair. It just turned out that way alright? He wants to make things right and I thought you'd be happy. I know it kills you to not be speaking with him. Don't you remember what he said before we got married I ask her. It's not right to mix. That's what he said. Colin, she stops walking, don't bring it up. That's the truth though I tell her. That's the way he thinks still. People change sometimes babe she half whispers and

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