by Christina Hope

Created on: February 11, 2009

Anger is one of the most basic of human emotions. I dare say that everyone alive has had a moment or two, of pure and intense anger about something. To deny your own anger is much like denying bad breath, you can deny that it exists, but everyone around you, knows that it is there. Unless you take positive action to resolve your anger, it sits there like a heaping pile of garbage, reeking more with every passing minute. Some people choose to use violence as their answer to anger. The fight or flight instinct kicks in and they are off and running and out of control. It's scary to watch someone behave like that, but I imagine it's even scarier to be that person.

So, how do you deal with anger in relationships? Relationships involve at least two people. Don't they?

Doesn't the relationship you have with yourself count? And doesn't your anger start with you? You can't be angry about something unless you have given yourself permission first. That's why anger is so personal an experience. The question to ask yourself is why are you allowing your emotions control over you instead of controlling your emotions? Remember, the only anger you can control is your own.

Anger is really about a sense of injustice. Something that was said or done to diminish a sense of what is right. And it directly correlates with ego. The bigger the ego, the more prone one is to bouts of anger. The ego protects and serves, but it can also destroy and disintegrate. Anger, in and of itself, does not damage our relationships. The damage is sustained when we, either out of ignorance or apathy, allow our anger to take hold and dictate our response, and thus, how our anger affects the people closest to us.

Counting to ten, twenty or even a hundred, before reacting to your anger might work. The purpose of counting is time to think about how to respond. However, if the anger is really intense, you might look for a more physical release, such as a punching bag or going for a walk. Pay close attention to what caused your anger in the first place. You might be surprised to find out that what you are focused on is far different than what actually caused your anger.

The bad news: If you choose to live among the rest of us, you will, at some point, experience anger. The good news: The more adept we become in dealing with our individual anger, the less often we will become angry. Pretty cool, huh?

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