How to Improve Your Sex Life:
What do we all want? More money? To lose weight? Health? Happiness? No, of course not don't be silly. We want sex. More of it. Longer lasting. More intimate. More satisfying. Now be honest, you know it's true. Besides, when your sex life is good, all those other things seem to fall into place. Really, you are getting more exercise so you lose weight. When you lose weight, you look and feel better. When you look and feel better you do better at work or in your business. When your business does better and you are making more money, you have more time to spend with your family. Do you see how a good sex life can make your entire life better? Now let me qualify this by saying that this is within the context of a loving, committed, monogamous (is that a dirty word?) relationship. If you are in the singles scene then your sex life (as well as how it affects the rest of your life) is a completely different article.
1) Nag/criticize your partner less. Actually, you should aim for "not at all", but I'm a realist. No one wants to hop into bed with someone who is complaining at him or her or pointing out their faults all the time. Besides. Most of the time the things we nag about aren't that important. For example; cap off the toothpaste (it's not like it's going to go bad), toilet seat up (ok, as a woman who has actually fallen into a toilet this one is annoying, but I have since learned to check first sit later), hogging the remote (there may be other issues there to explore), doing the dishes (they aren't going anywhere), and so on. If we chose to keep our mouths shut (since let's face it even when we do nag, it doesn't change anything), what's the worst that could happen. An extra five minutes of peace?
2) Re-define Romance. What does "romance" mean to you? Moonlit walks on the beach and rose petals spread on the bed? Well, if you like sand in your underwear and stained sheets. Romance isn't about what the specific details are. It is that someone thought enough of you to care about the details at all. When my husband and I were very broke (and I do mean very broke) we had no money for Christmas gifts. He didn't really care as Christmas was never very big on his list and I was always the one putting up the tree and sending out cards. But this Christmas there would be none of it. Needless to say I was a little bummed. The lack of Christmas just seemed to put into focus our dyer straights. Christmas morning I woke up and walked into the kitchen to warm myself by the wood stove and contemplate what I would do with myself that day. Then I noticed my socks hanging from a hook over the stove (this is what we did when we came in with wet boots etc...). But this time I didn't remember hanging any socks the night before. Annoyed, I reached up to snatch down the offensive article and noticed that there was something inside. It was a box of Smarties! With a small note that said "From Santa Merry Christmas". I have never had a nicer present or a better Christmas. It sounds silly that something so ridiculous as a box of candy in an old sock could make someone so happy. It was the thought that made it romantic. Not only did he get me a gift (which in and of itself is a miracle), but he also gave me Christmas and a wonderful surprise when I needed it most. To this day I get teary-eyed every time I see a box of Smarties.
3) Spend time together. Ok, this sounds like a no brainer. And I can hear you all saying, "easier said than done". However, this is really important. The more time you spend together the stronger your connection will become. You don't need to go on a romantic date or night out on the town (although if you can I highly suggest it). Set your alarm clock 15 30 minutes earlier so you can cuddle together in the morning before the hectic day begins and life takes over. Make a date with each other and make arrangements to spend time alone. Even if it's pizza in front of the fireplace. You'll remember what brought you together in the first place and all the old feelings of being excited by the prospect of seeing the other person will come rushing back.
4) Be more affectionate. For some of you this might take deliberate effort. That's ok. The more you practice it the easier it will come. Please note gentlemen; this does not mean pinching her ass while she's doing the dishes or groping well you get the idea. It means a touch on the back when you serve dinner. A kiss goodbye. A hug between chores "just because". Say, "I Love You", or call each other by pet names. Smile from across the room or give a meaningful wink. Leave a steamy note ina pocket of lunchbox for your partner to find during the day. Remember that you are a team and your connection is strong. Show it to each other and the world.
5) Try to please each other before you please yourself. This applies to both the bedroom and mundane life. Go out of your way to do something nice for your partner. Get pleasure from making them happy.
6) Be adventurous. This also applies to both areas of your life. Try something new. Go to a spa together, Try a new restaurant, buy some silk sheets or try a new position. Share a fantasy. Even if you don't have the guts or true inclination to act it out, often sharing it with your partner will prove inspiring. Be creative.
7) Use props when necessary. Ok, this is getting down to the nitty gritty. Don't be afraid to get a little help when required. This can mean anything from scented candles and soft music for a little romance, to lotions, chocolate covered strawberries or a can of whipped cream. Men are visual so lingerie and other things they can see tend to work well. Women may find some ideas or inspiration from reading a romance novel or maybe even a little tasteful erotica. Find your palate.
8) Remember it's all out the journey. Don't be in a rush. Enjoy each other. Take your time and have fun. Even if you are pressed for time, there can be something said for delaying gratification and picking up later where you left off. It's a sure-fire way to make sure that you are thinking about each other during the day and counting the seconds until you are together again.