by Brianne Chohrach

Created on: February 11, 2009   Last Updated: February 12, 2009

Allowing a spouse to adopt your child is such a personal issue that, had I not been in this position, I would not dare write on it. But, as I stated, I have "been there, done that". My story is as follows...

My husband and I began dating when my son was just two weeks old. The father of my child still wanted to be involved, so this was not an issue at the time. But, by the time that my son was six months old, custody battles ensued and the father just stopped coming around. He never left town, he never changed his number, he just seemed to lose interest. My husband (then boyfriend) never did.

He was a constant in my son's life. Lunch breaks from work, he was on his way to see my son. After work, he was there to see my son. He was always around and it wasn't just for me. One day, out of nowhere, my son looked at my future husband and said, "daddy". Neither of us could believe it. Clear as day, though, he had said it. My husband beamed. I did not know how to react. I simply asked, "Did you hear what he said?" "Yeah," my husband said, "He called me daddy." I asked him how he felt about that. "Well, I am." That was truth.

Being present for the conception of a child does not qualify you to be a father. Knowing things like his favorite story, the animal he goes to bed with, being on a first name basis with his teachers and coaches... that is a daddy. Long before any piece of paper stated it so, my husband was my son's daddy. Well, by the time my son was 2, his "biological" was tired (apparently) of paying child support, so he contacted my father to contact us to inform us he was willing to sign over his rights.

I was elated. My son had never known another father, and now we would be able to make it legal. In December 2003, my son, my husband, and I ventured down to the courthouse to face a judge and inform her as to why we wanted to make this adoption happen. I told her very honestly, "My husband IS this child's father and all that is missing is the piece of paper that lets the world know it."

We left the courthouse that day with forms for a new birth certificate and social security card. We also left with a piece of mind knowing that we were now legally and officially the family that we had always been. My son was barely 3 at the time and even though we told him that he had just been "adopted", we knew he would not fully grasp it and that we would eventually have to tell him again one day in the future. And, we knew it would have to be in more depth the next time. We waited three more years. When we did tell him, we also told him that it changed nothing about his relationship with his dad and that we were all still a family.

My son took pride in knowing that, although his daddy was not his birth daddy, that he was special enough for his daddy to CHOOSE him to be his son. He told anyone that would listen the next day that he was adopted because his daddy loved him so much. It's the truth. Never once have we second guessed our decision to have the adoption take place. Yes, his biological father is still alive and eventually my son may express a desire to meet him, but that does not matter. My husband is his father. My son is his son. It did not take that paper to make it so, but none-the-less, it was important to us and to OUR son.

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