by Koren Allen

Created on: February 10, 2009

Anger is a normal human emotion, but most of us have handled it badly at some point in our lives. Unfortunately, the people we love the most are the ones who catch the fallout, simply because of proximity. If you find yourself lashing out at your children for the smallest of infractions, it is probably time to step back and take a hard look at your anger management skills. Most of us need some work in this area. Think of it not only as self-improvement, but an opportunity to teach your children by example that they can learn to handle anger in a healthy way.

The next time you start feeling irritated, try to take a time-out before you reach your boiling point. A quick walk around the block is an excellent way to release stress from your muscles as well as your thoughts, and the exercise releases endorphins in your brain, which are a natural mood elevator. If you can't leave the kids, try jogging in place or doing jumping jacks for a few minutes. It may sound silly, but try it anyway; even a short burst of activity can lift your mood.

If exercise isn't your thing, try deep breathing. We've all heard this advice before, but we sometimes forget this ultra-simple way to calm ourselves down. If you can figure out what your physical symptoms of anger are, you can train yourself to start relaxing as soon as you feel them. For me, this means anytime I catch myself with clenched jaws or tensed-up shoulders, it's time for some deep breathing and neck and shoulder stretches. If you practice this, it starts to become second nature.

It is also important to connect to other adults. Life is stressful and we all carry around so many burdens. The load is bearable if you can find others to talk to. The internet is one place to find other people, but phone time and face time are the most effective for immediately relieving stress. If you don't have any friends or family who can act as your sounding board, try talking to people at your church or out in your community.

If you ever reach a point where you feel like you are going to hurt your children, it is vitally important to take yourself out of the situation immediately. If there is another adult, ask them to take over for a few minutes so you can take a break. If you find this happening a lot, it might be a good idea to keep a couple of hotline numbers handy. Some cities have crisis lines designed just for parents, but most general crisis lines can help, and even teenage runaway hotlines will have staff that can talk you through a crisis moment and help you get calmed down.

Finally, never be afraid to talk to people and ask for help. Every parent has reached a breaking point when dealing with our children, so we all know how it feels. Never be ashamed to admit you need some help. It shows that you love your children enough to do the very best you can for them, and that includes calling on others when it's needed.

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