by Debbie Gillotti

Created on: February 10, 2009

Attending a funeral is never a good experience. You can expect any combination of emotions from family members and guests because we all grieve in our own way. Some of us prefer to be alone, with family or friends, some of us need the support of larger groups to help get us through the difficult first days. However, when it comes right down to the basics of the situation, it is the living who are obligated to engage in brief, sometimes insincere conversations about the person who has passed away. We spend hazy moments discussing the events prior to their passing on, talking about how peaceful the deceased looks lying in the casket, whispering about family members and how much the departed will be missed. We see friends and family members that are virtual strangers because they have crawled out of the woodwork after twenty or more years just to pay their condolences to someone they hardly know.

Unfortunately, religion plays a large part in the events of death as well as life and I believe that many people are influenced in making decisions based on religious teachings. Other cultures celebrate life and mourn death in many other ways. I suppose there is no right or wrong but I do feel that it is not up to someone else to decide how we choose to pass on to where ever it is we go.

The reality of it is that when we die, it is over. We are nothing but a shell to house the living organs we call our body. The heart stops, the brain waves cease, all blood flow stops. If there is a soul to pass on to another world, so will it be. Ancient cultures and even more current ones today believe that the soul carries on. If you believe in the afterlife this does not sound far fetched.

My life as I know it will be ended so if I am at all aware that my soul has moved on, I can only hope that it is a happy and peaceful place.

Why then, would you want to grieve over an empty shell? Why do we have such a fascination with the dead prior to burial? The person lying before you never looks as good as they did when they were alive. No amount of makeup or tailored clothing can fix that. Frankly, I don't want to be subject to that, nor do I want my family and friends to be subject to that when I die. I've been through my share of funerals and never saw anything positive come from the experience.

Cremation seems like the only logical option for many reasons. I want my life to be celebrated. I understand that my friends and loved ones will be sad for my departure. I understand that they will grieve. They will do so in their own time, in their chosen place for as long as they need to. I will not be a shell taking up space in some cemetery riddled with marble and concrete stones or statues. I won't be placed under the grave marker that is more or less eloquent than the one next to me, to impress some passerby. I won't spend money on some mausoleum box that cost a fortune when my family could use the money after I'm gone. I don't even want a fancy urn. I'm not going to care. Pour me into a peanut butter jar, sprinkle me into the earth. I've always loved being outdoors.

What's most important is that your family accepts your decision to choose cremation. Make the decision clear in your will and more so, discuss it now. So many people fear talking about death, but it is a very real part of life. It could happen in the next moment. Family often intervenes in final burial decisions so if this ending is for you, write it in stone so there is no doubt about your intentions.

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