by Charlotte Starlet

Created on: February 10, 2009

Since becoming pregnant I have been assaulted by a barrage of frightening, unpleasant and entirely unglamorous possibilities. Think about the scary health warnings (GBS or HPV anyone?), side effects and the multitude of responses to your (previously) happy news and you'll know what I mean.

Morning sickness, hormonal crazed mood swinging, leaky boobs, constipated, bloated, flatulent, caffeine free, alcohol avoiding, weird food craving, blocked pores, bleeding gums, name obsessing, cracked nipples, swollen feet, mucus plugs (!), perineal tearing, on all fours inhumanly mooing as you split open and a flour/ gunk covered alien with a cone-head fights your muscles to claw their way out of you. And then angels smile at you from the Heavens, your baby is in the world and you're faced with sleeplessness, poverty, sick in your hair, neglectful working mum VS spineless stay at home, social life in the bin, post-natal, bottle sterilising, formula mixing, fantasising about the yellow one from The Wiggles', pyjamas in the afternoon, Breast is Best' Nazis and yummy coffee shop mummies.

"You'll never be alone... never... be... alone" warns my boss. "...You're so mad, you'll want to keep it!" courtesy of my best friend. Notice how people hesitate when you tell them your good news, how they read your face before they respond? Not sure if congratulations' or commiserations' is the more appropriate sentiment?

Pregnancy, childbirth and mommy-hood have been entirely unromanticised, unglamourised and turned into a disease. My friends think I'm mad, no-one's said it yet, but they're all wondering why I've screwed up my life and chucked it into the nearest waste-paper disposal unit. I haven't told my mom yet, no doubt she will be the one to say it.

What has happened to so drastically warp our perceptions of what was once seen as a miraculous feat of nature? The only benefits?

Pre-natal glowing and free dental care.

Well, I don't live my life like other people, and I'm not going to have my baby like that. People are becoming more aware of practices such as hypnobirthing - the idea that we've been conditioned into fear of pain and other stereotypes surrounding pregnancy and childbirth. Why can't we apply those thoughts to all areas of parenthood? Lets fight against fear, societal expectations and stereotypes. Lets have it our own way. Lets be glamorous, beautiful and romantic. Lets be goddesses, lets be mothers.

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