by Linda Ann Nickerson

Created on: February 10, 2009

A Parent's Authority: Found or Forced?

Should parents be authoritarian or affectionate? Is it possible for loving and authentic parents to be both?

Perhaps a distinction may be drawn between the authoritative and authoritarian parent. The difference may rest in the source of a parent's responsibility and authority.

What's the difference between parental authority and parental authoritarianism? It's apparent!

As a parent, I cringe to discuss parenting. It feels a lot like preaching to the mirror. My own foibles and mishaps may belie my convictions at times.

On the other hand, a parent is charged with a God-given responsibility to lead and guide his or her youngsters through their personal development to maturity. As such, perhaps parents do not invent their own authority. Real authority is a divine gift, which we may use or misuse, depending on the nature of our hearts.

Here's the bottom line. A parent's motives reveal everything. What is the main objective of parenting? Is it to build a kingdom, over which a tyrant is free to rule? Or is it to build kids into independent adults, so that we may someday release them confidently to make their own marks on the world?

Would You Rather Be a Disciplinarian or Dictator?

An authoritative parent will set standards for his or her children's own good and consistently enforce them. The underlying attitude is loving.

An authoritarian parent will make rules for the sake of making rules and enforce them when he or she feels like doing so. He may even enforce additional rules without warning. After all, he is all about control and controlling others. This control freak approach is not authority at all; instead, it smacks of abuse.

Would You Rather Be an Adoring Role Model or an Absolute Ruler?

Let the results speak for themselves. Young people who have been raised with reasonable, but consistent, rules usually mature eventually into more well-rounded and responsible grownups. Children raised under an iron fist tend to become rebellious, even before they reach young adulthood. Frankly, authoritarianism breeds resistance.

Would You Rather Be a Parent or a Patriarch?

Parenting styles often become multi-generational legacies. Children may grow up to emulate their own parents' parenting, whether they mean to do so or not. On the other hand, they may deliberately perform a complete about-face and reject everything their parents have stood for. As parents, would we desire either extreme, or would we prefer to impart a loving balance of authority and increased responsibility for our children, as they mature?

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