by Nikki Stoneroad

Created on: February 10, 2009   Last Updated: February 13, 2009

I have three children, two boys and one girl, and I have to answer this question with an astounding "no". The evidence is clear when both my boys are the total opposite. One is defiant to no end, and the other is the most respectful and helpful individual that I have ever met. Both were raised by me, and both have the same father. So why the big difference?

I can't stand it when people say to me "well, they should have been taught from early on up". Obviously, the lesson was taught. One caught on, the other didn't.

It is obvious that there are personality traits that are inherited. If your child's father is not around, or maybe he even passed away before the child was born, then how is it that these similarities exhibit themselves?

Children are of their own free will. I should know, I was one once. And I was nothing like my parents. Did the stork drop me off at the wrong house or what?

And as for single moms doing "boy" things with their boys, anyone can be a mentor. A child doesn't necessarily need a father, but it is wise to have someone in their lives that they can be a man around. That includes a brother, a grandfather, an uncle, or neighbor. I do believe that our sons need some time away from us moms as we so appreciatively enjoy also.

And as for discipline, females are not always the weaker sex. We may be frustrated, tired, and worn out, but we also enjoy giving out daily doses of much deserving...discipline.

The key is crossing that fine line between parent and friend. When you are your child's friend you are doing much to destroy their upbringing. Your only goals are to have fun with them and keep them happy. Even if that means letting them slide with discipline and hygiene. You are creating an unsafe haven for them. They will not be sure of their own limits. They may exceed those limits into a dangerous situation.

When you are parenting, of course, you want to see your children happy. But we don't mind seeing the tears either. It is what lets us know that we are doing our job. And we are doing it well. Children need to know what is expected of them. They need tough love and discipline. It is my job to make sure they have food, an education, shelter, and clothing. Beyond that I don't have to provide anything. As soon as you get tough and your children figure this out too, they'll be more likely to see things your way.

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