My wife and I are a racially mixed couple that were unable to have biological children. We had known this since the days we were dating and decided that adoption would be the option for us, besides our own personal convictions fit well into our personal dilema. We had adopted our oldest daughter through an open adoption process, that is we were interviewed and select by the birth parents. The remainder of our five children were adopted through the county and proved to be a tremendous blessing, due in part to the wonderful case worker we had assigned to us.
My wife is White and comes from Tennessee. I am Mexican/Native American and come from California. Our children for the most part seem to reflect our racial background, that is our two sons are hispanic and two of our daughters are primarily white, our middle daughter how ever is African American. thier ages range from 7 to 23 years old. We find ourselves dealing with race on at least two fronts. One of them being my wife's and my own heritage and how they are adopted or incorperated into our childrens personal history. My sons use the analogy of Hawkeye in the last of he Mohicans and how although he was white,he was raised the son Uncas of the Mohican tribe. They seem willing and eager to adopt our race as theirs, and still there is lingering question of what am I and where do I come from. They do not obsess over it, but it certainly comes up from time to time in our discussions. While we have no pat answer to their questions we do offer them the best information we can make available and in an age appropriate manner. The most reassuring thing we can tell them is that just as they have been adopted, so have My wife and I. We would have never been parents, unless we were adopted also.
The second source of racial diffeence is encountered when we are in public settings. While most people are not insensitive or intentionally intrusive, we do get our share of questioning looks and well meaning smiles.This is most noticeble concerning our middle daughter, who is of African American descent. People figure that we are a blended family perhaps, after a previous marriage and that explains the brown kids and the white kids, and that perhaps, from generosity of spirit we had adopted one black child. When neccessary or appropriate we will explain that we are all adopted and that we have been married to each other for 30 years. People are quick to congradulate us and heap praise upon us for our virtuous actions. Usally we smile and thank them and some times we explain it was not so much virtue as it was selfish motivation, we wanted a family, and what a tremendous blessing my wife and I feel when we consider how fortunate we are to have been given such wonderful children and the oppurtunity to have our own.
We have noticed in our middle child a reluctence sometimes to ackowledge us at school or in public settings that are her normal domain. When her white mother and brown father come to school or a sporting event she is faced with explaining her situation to friends, where as our other children are usally given a pass because of how they are able to blend into our racial make up. It has even caused some discomfort for at least one of my sons because he is asked about his black sister, and he has to explain that she is adopted and then wether or not to share the fact that he is adopted also. Life is hard for kids and some times these realities can make life a little more complicated. But we assure them that many of their friends have just as hard or even tougher realities to deal with, Such as divorce, neglect, physical handi caps, and other situations. While such consolations do little to remove the stigma or barriers they face, it does seem to offer them hope as they overcome and see there friends overcome simular circumstances. We try to give them as much cultural support as possible. I have been a student of history all my life and particularly african American influneces from John Coltrane to John Legend, from Fredrick Douglas to Medgars Evers. Still I realize I am not a black man. I am not of her ancestry as much as I have admired it and come to know and understand it. But I am a father who loves his children, and that may be enough to transcend all barriers of race and ethnicity.