by Kristen M. Anderson

Created on: February 09, 2009   Last Updated: October 17, 2009

When I think of the word "tact", I think of the age-old saying, "Wisdom is having a lot to say, and not saying it."

Tact is perhaps most noticeable when it's missing. Unfortunately, tactless behavior has become so prevalent in our modern culture, it's now commonplace to be told that we look like death warmed over and that we should be married by now.

While tact is slowly becoming a lost art, it is still critical to practice this important skill in many areas of life. When it comes to developing your career, finding a date, or getting along with your in-laws, learning the art of tact helps to maintain relationships and keep communication flowing.

Consider the following tips to finesse the art of being tactful:

1. Being tactful preserves dignity. What kinds of comments "deflate" you or make you (or others) feel sheepish? When someone makes a tactless remark, ask yourself how he or she could have phrased the comment differently to maintain the person's dignity.

2. Being tactful involves not only what we say to people, but what we don't say. If something derogatory doesn't need to be spoken, it's often best to not say it. If you're unsure, ask yourself if you would like someone else to tell you the same thing.

3. Assess people's reactions to what you say. If people avoid talking with you, chances are you need to brush up on the art of being tactful.

4. Observe a business leader or friend who excels at being tactful. What sorts of comments does he or she make to people? How does this person communicate bad information to others? How does he/she inspire others to action? How do people relate to this person?

5. Use your best judgment when commenting on someone's appearance/attire or social life. If you can't make a positive comment, it's best to "not go there".

6. If it's imperative that you share something sensitive or embarrassing with someone, take them aside and tell them privately. Try to model your communication after how you'd like to receive the information. Avoid sarcasm and watch out for your non-verbal communication.

Having a lot to say and not saying it requires self-control and discipline. The benefits of being tactful are improved relationships and increased productivity.

The next time you're tempted to say something tactless, replace the "zing" with a kind word. You'll be amazed by the results.

Learn more about this author, Kristen M. Anderson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.