by Laurie Miles

Created on: February 09, 2009

It is said that California is the land of "fruit and nuts". Standing in line at the DMV in Orange County is the epitomy of this phrase.

I am waiting for my 15 1/2 year old daughter to get her permit. Woo hoo! I don't know which is worse; the prospect of another 1/2 hour wait in hell, or her driving. This is truly the best part of parenting, as I have come to know it.

Looking around me I am once again reminded of how special the human race is. The word odd also comes to mind.

To my left are two lesbians professing their undying love for each other. Public displays of affection at their very finest. I managed to focus on my daughter, seated to my right. I was doing pretty good carrying on a conversation with her until she asked me if the girl that was trying to look like a guy, making out with the other girl, was in fact a girl. I had to look down and stifle my giggles because the question was as ridiculous as the moment I was stuck in. I mean, seriously? They don't have beds somewhere for that stuff?

In front of us was a really big, overweight man with long black hair. If you can imagine this, the chairs we were sitting on were the old state issued hard plastic with metal legs. The big head in front kept stretching and leaning back in his chair. He would then run his fingers through his oh-so-lovely hair that needed to be washed. When he reclined in the non-reclining chair, I really thought he was going to end up in my lap. My daughter thought this was very funny as she observed my eyeballs grow like saucers. She put her hands over her face and kept laughing silently as I watched the large man in plastic get precariously closer to my legs, which I envisioned him crushing. Oh God! He is arching his back and moving. Closer...closer...closer....he is within two inches of my knees when his number is called. Thank you Lord!

My daughter's number is called and we go to window 32. There, she is processed and sent into the room with the blue door to take her test. While she is gone I witness gang-bangers threaten an old man, a hooker (she just had to be the way she was dressed) and received lectures from a few old ladies encouraging me to be a good mother and not let her drive at all. Their cousin Betty's son got in an accident and killed someone and I should not let that happen to my daughter. Aside from keeping her in a cage, what do you suggest I do?, I ask in jest. They stopped talking to me right after I said that. I guess they did not appreciate my humor (some people would consider it sarcasm I suppose).

Fortunately, I did not stand alone for long. Out of the blue door with a big smileon her face came my darling daughter with her permit in hand.

Isn't life wonderful?

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