by Russell Gurney

Created on: February 09, 2009

There is no question that humans are social creatures. It's just in our nature. But there are a lot of pitfalls in socialization that are easy to fall into, yet difficult to climb back out of. One of those pitfalls is the tendencies to place people in Roles. Roles can be as simple as a Best Friend or as difficult as a Devil's Advocate. No matter what the role is, or how it came to be, they tend to reduce people to a title, or stereotype.

Being yourself is something that is easy to do, but can be hard to learn. You need to learn how to toss away any stereotypes and preconceptions to really be yourself. Just figure out who you are from a completely neutral and non-judgmental standpoint. And once you have found yourself, things get much easier. Every choice you make, every action, is a reflection of you. How you live everyday life is a huge portrait displaying who you are.

So how is being an individual better than playing a role? Well let's first look at where Roles come from.

Close relationship Roles, like friendships and lovers, can be some of the most frustrating. They tend to form around people's perception of everyday reality. And that perception can easily be mislead or distorted. For example, many people watch TV. TV usually depicts everyday life, and it's next to impossible to recreate reality in a controlled environment with accuracy. Documentaries are exceptions, but then you are only getting a small sample of reality, when really there's so much diverse life out there that won't even be touched on. So people watch these programs, and they get used to how people seem to act in them. Their perception of social 'right and wrong' become heavily influenced by what they've seen. And when you look at it from the other side, there are only writers and filmmakers trying their best to entertain you, not trying to present something realistic.

Besides TV, perceptions of social Roles can come from observation of other people interacting, and being taught such Roles. For example, a kid starting at high school will most likely observe other people and start molding an idea of how she should act and what is really 'cool'. But these impressions are not always right, and can leave people in the dark quite easily.

So when people's perceptions of Roles are formed, from whatever source, they are limiting other individuals to a pre-set Role that they must fulfill. They expect people to act a certain way, they might say things like "Well you are my best friend! Tell me you love me!", and really they are forcing a strained relationship because these Roles aren't formed from actual truth.

So in this way, Roles put limits on people's individuality, and when we can't be ourselves, if people are not letting us, then we feel contained and stressed because it's important to have authentic relationships and communicate effectively.

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