by Dolores Moore

Created on: February 09, 2009

We have all encountered them, those people who seem to find something to moan about in every situation. They have the power, if you let them, to really bring you down, or make you mad or darken the brightest day. The first human impulse when such people cross our path is to get away and stay away from apparently miserable, begrudging individuals. Which is perhaps one reason why some people complain about everything. They are unpopular, disliked, and ultimately lonely.

It is this loneliness that prompts a cry for attention, any attention, even if it is negative. By voicing complaints, the person hopes to be noticed and maybe even to connect with a like-minded individual, thus reducing the feelings of isolation and loneliness. Consider the following scenario as illustration. Several people are standing in line at the bank during lunch time. The clerks are working hard to help everybody and clear the queue, and then - the complainer starts telling all and sundry "what a poor service they deliver, what a disgrace, they're too slow," and so on and on it goes. The moaner tries to make eye contact and get others on-side to confirm his or her views, to get attention and to find some solidarity. That would make them feel justified in complaining, despite the fact that there is no real reason to do so.

Another underlying reason for always complaining could be the result of upbringing. If a person was raised in an environment where finding fault, voicing dissatisfaction and with complaining as the norm, then chances are, they will carry that experience and learned behavior into adulthood. Because they know of no other way to operate, this behavior is entrenched and would need some honest friends or even behavioral therapy to change it.

Another behavioral aspect is arrogance. The person who is totally convinced that his or her views are more valid and important than those of others, will believe it is always their right to complain, and often, they are very happy with this. They feel their demands should be met and those demands take the form of complaining and finding fault as a way to assert their superior rights. Most of the time, there really is no reasonable cause for complaint; doing it just shows that arrogant self-centered approach and affirms feelings of superiority. It is interesting to note that such feelings often mask deeper feelings of inferiority.

No matter WHY some people complain about everything, the results of that behavior usually prove negative for them and others around them. And that leads back to the state of being isolated, disliked and lonely. A vicious circle that needs to be broken, if only the complainer would realize that life could be so much better if they made a little change. Self knowledge is a powerful weapon for change, and less complaining would lead to a happier existence for all.

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