Whether it be from death, divorce, loss of a pet, job, or home, there will be times in life when we will have to help others deal with their grief. What we say and do during these times will have more of an impact than we realize, and it's always best to be prepared so that we don't accidentally say or do something to make the situation worse.
When we see a person we care for grieving, we are often at a loss of words. Often we speak in haste out of nervousness and discomfort with the sometimes overwhelming emotions of the person. We want to make them feel better, and ease our own helplessness at the same time, so we blurt out well-worn, overly-used cliches without even thinking.
Some of the worst things to say to a person who has suffered a loss and is grieving, are things like, "they're in a better place now", "well, at least they're not suffering anymore", "at least you still have so and so", "you need to be strong, so and so needs you", "they wouldn't want to see you so sad", "they're in Heaven now", etc. But by the same token, don't let your self-consciousness take over to the point of avoiding the person either. That would actually be worse because never will there be a greater time when that person needs you than now.
Try your best to visit the person several times a week, or at the very least, call them everyday and let them talk for as long as they need to. This will be a lifesaver for them; sometimes, quite literally.
One of the biggest mistakes we make with a grieving loved one is to assume that their needs are being tended to by someone else. We falsely believe there are "other" friends or family meeting these needs and we don't want to seem intrusive, so we don't offer. But sadly, more often than not, just the opposite is true.
Because everyone is assuming the same thing, very often the calls, and visits stop after a few days and the grieving person is left on their own. A grieving person should never feel that they "have no one" or that no one cares.
Make sure you get, and stay, in contact with other friends and family members and together, devise a schedule of help between you so that all can be assured their grieving loved one is being properly cared for emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually during this difficult time.
Oftentimes the grieving person finds it difficult to complete even the most basic of tasks like bathing, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, watering the grass, etc. Offering to help them with these tasks, is one of the most loving, thoughtful, helpful, sincere, and appreciated things you can do. And depending on your relationship with the person, asking is often not even needed. Just show up with a few nights worth of dinners with easy stuff, like casseroles, stews, etc., all brought in containers that don't need to be washed or returned, and maybe even stick around to serve dinner and do some laundry!
Depending on your relationship with this person, you can just show up, dive in and begin to do what looks like it needs doing! But don't ever tell the person that they "need to get it together", or "it's been x amount of time", or "I realize you're sad, but you can't let such and such go like this". This will only hurt and humiliate the person and they will feel disregarded, disrespected, and not trust you with their feelings. Never be critical or judgemental when one is hurting so much. To do so is cruel and thoughtless.
Although none of us will always know the right thing to say at the right time, we can still do so many other things that don't require a word. And actually, it's often these very things that end up helping most. And if you believe that "actions speak louder than words", then these loving gestures will most definitely speak volumes!