by Ryan Arduini

Created on: February 09, 2009

When Mama died we all cried

My two brothers and I definitely had a unique time growing up together. We come from a large family where men are very macho and the boys were always tested and pushed to the limits. Whether it was sports in school or just everyday life. Our punishments consisted from getting spanked with the belt, standing in the corner for what seemed like an eternity, to push ups and knee bends. Somewhat of a boot camp if you will.

We spent a lot of time with extended family members especially our very close aunt, uncle and four cousins. They were close mainly because my father and his brother married two sisters. At one point when I was about seven we all lived in a small two bedroom house. Yes, a two bedroom with seven kids and four parents. The three females slept in beds while us four boys slept on the floor. I hated it then but I cherish it now.

Through the years my siblings and I experienced many ups and downs. Sometimes it seems lie so many more downs. Throughout this time I cannot remember a time when my brothers and I did not band together to overcome.

I mention an unspoken bond for this reason. Growing up being built to not show emotion, to not ask for help and to be strong conditioned us to be wary of each others feelings. We know they are there but we are almost embarassed to admit it. In times of need we've just always been there for each other.

As adults we've been seperated by thousands of miles at times and didn't speak much to one another either. We just let each live their own life.

A couple years ago my mother and brother were involved in a fatal accident that killed my mother almost instantly. This happening two years almost to the day of one of our closest cousins dying in another fatal accident at the age of only twenty-three. As anyone would expect this was an extremely sad and trying time for everyone in our family, especially my brothers and I. Seeing my strong brother in the hospital bed killed me and my youngest brother. It killed me to have my little brother to have to endure the trauma he did and also see my mom die. That horrible day put our faith and emotions to the test.

I thank god for my brothers. In that time and during the grieving process we stood by each other. We shared our emotions for what seemed like the first time. It's extremely difficult to deal with an event like that when we've never been taught how to manage our own feeling and emotions. A person can't live a happy life in that way. I sometimes feel my mom was supposed to leave us that day in order for the three of us to come together and begin to live our lives happily. I love her for that gift. Now my brothers and I aren't afraid to cry together.

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