by Sharon Meyer

Created on: February 09, 2009

Deciding when and how to tell your child that they are adopted should begin with a discussion concerning this question way before your child is placed in your family. Both parents need to agree on how to handle this and to be comfortable with their decision.

Talking to your child about adoption should be carried out precept upon precept and begin when the child is a toddler. At this age your child is just beginning to understand language concepts. Filling your home with adoption storybooks is a great way to begin introducing the concept of adoption while they are very young. A child must learn from a very young age that to be adopted is nothing to be ashamed of but rather something very special. The one thing that you don't want to do is make your child feel different or singled out in any way. As a proud parent of an adopted child you may feel led to introduce your child as your "adopted" son or daughter. Although you mean no harm, your child will soon pick up on the language that being adopted somehow makes one different. An adopted child is your child so try not to use defining language in front of your child. When adoption comes up in a conversation in front of your young child be sure that the language used is positive.

Let your young child lead you as far as what to say and when to say it. Since you started off using children's storybooks about adoption at a young age you have laid down the first precept. Somewhere around the pre-school age all children ask that question that makes parents blush. "Where do babies come from?" Don't blush ! Your child has just given you the hint that they are ready for the next precept. Don't worry, your child is not really asking you about sex. The simple answer is that babies grow inside the mothers stomach. You can now add their next lesson which is that sometimes babies grow in another mothers stomach and then are adopted by a mommy and daddy who are waiting for such a special baby, just like you were. That's it for lesson two. No need to elaborate further until your child starts asking more questions.Remember precept upon precept and age appropriate.

Hopefully your child has been growing up hearing the special story of their own adoption. It makes a great "Once upon a Time" bedtime story. As your child gets older the questions will get harder and harder. Questions about why they were placed for adoption and why their birth mother didn't want them will always remain the hardest questions to answer. No matter how much you know about the birth parent's history always speak positively about the situation. Let your child know that he/she was loved so much that their birth mother wanted the best for them.

As your child gets older the most important thing to remember is to keep the lines of communication open with your child. Always be there to answer their questions. Never let them think you are annoyed by the questions. Honesty is always the best policy when dealing with adoption issues. By school age your child should know and understand all the basic facts about adoption. You will be greatful that you started at a young age to tell your child about adoption because the teenage years will bring a whole new level of questions as your teenager begins to deal with the basic identity issues of "who am I?"

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