by T.C Leonard

Created on: February 08, 2009

I'm what you'd call a Renaissance Redneck. I've written a book, albeit unpublished, have two college diplomas, and can carry on an intelligent conversation on most topics. However, I AM the West Virginian that that the rest of you stereotype and make sport of, and my true colors run very deep. On a first date, or perhaps even the first couple of months of a relationship (if I really, REALLY like her), I can play the role of the perfect gentleman, but nobody can hide his or her true identity forever, and mine has seen me through more than my share of short-term relationships and a messy divorce. Ladies, let's go on a literary first date together, and I'll be the man of your dreams. Afterward, I'll slowly reveal the facts that make me the typical male, or, perhaps, the man of your nightmares. Here we go...

Okay, the dinner was great, and we shared a few laughs regarding our occupations, home towns, and minor quirks. We have both taken a liking for each other and agree that a second date would be a great idea. Like anybody else with good manners, at least on the surface, I'll get the door for you and give you an innocent hug before saying goodbye. Thanks for your phone number; I'll give you a call in a couple of days and make arrangements for our next date...

"Now that we know each other a little bit better, why don't you come on over here...and I'll tell you the rest of the story..."

Oh, you collect stuff. That's nice. Me? Well, I do have a collection of 35 camo baseball caps, and I have one of them on my head 90% of the time. If Cabela's, LL Bean, or Bass Pro Shops paid me for wearing their logos on my head, I could probably quit my day job and retire as a millionaire. AND when I get comfortable with someone, I flip my cap around and wear it backward...

"Where do you keep them, in your closet?"

"Oh, heavens no! They're on top of my TV, on shelves, on the back of the couch... I guess you could say that my place is kind of Hat-deco. You know, some people have paintings and knick-knacks, but I just have hatts all over the place."

Usually, she'll wince at this and move on to the next topic...

"Do you do your own cooking?"

"Huh? Oh, ummm, no. The inside of my refrigerator looks like a lab experiment. I have milk left over from 2006 and keep batteries and stuff in my vegetable drawer. A couple things are getting pretty moldy, and I just might have the cure for cancer in there somewhere." On to the next topic!

"Do you have dreams?"

"Dreams?"

"You know, fantasies and stuff," she

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