by Andrea Montack

Created on: February 07, 2009

Parents cannot take all the credit or shoulder the blame for the actions of their children when they become adults, but they definitely have a part to play in who those children become.

As parents we are quick to pat ourselves on the shoulder for the great achievements of our children, and we are even quicker to blame ourselves for their mishaps. This is because we feel that we are capable of making them into who we want them to be.

Children are a gift to us, and for the time that they are loaned to us, our responsibility is to pass on values to them, that will equip them to make wise decisions and also to make them fit for society. However, if parents themselves were not equipped with these values, it is unlikely that they will be able to pass good values to their children. This is what we are reaping in our society today. A cycle of mishaps that can only be broken by those who are more equipped.

Parents need to understand that a child will have wants and needs, and we need to fill their needs, and be wise with how we satisfy their wants. A child will not be the worst for not getting everything they ask for; in fact this is a valued lesson in preparing them for the real world. Children who are accustomed to always having their own way will manifest an unhealthy response to authority and sometimes display unprofessional behavior in the Work place.

Our society is so keen on everyone having a say that we have put decision making into the hands of children who lack the maturity and wisdom to make major decisions. I am not promoting child abuse or fully endorsing the old saying "children must be seen and not heard", but I do believe that we will continue to see the grave problems with our younger generation if we do not reinstate a clear line between Adults and Children.

As Parents we are called to give guidance to our children, we should allow for open dialogue and even allow them choices in small decisions. However, we are not their friends, we need to stop trying to be their peers; they are looking to us for guidance and leadership. Children should be taught good morals; they should know to differentiate right from wrong. This will help them to chose their friends carefully, and not be influenced by the negative elements of our society.

When we look at the success stories in our society, we can always trace them back to parents who were not afraid to parent their kids. They knew that a child will not die if they didn't get everything they asked for. These kids were trained to be grateful for everything they received, and more importantly they knew that there was a consequence for their actions. On the flip side when we trace the roots of children who have not achieved their full potential, we very often see parents who failed in their role as parents.

The sad part is that as Parents we can do all we believe to be right, we can teach our children all the best morals, and even equip them for the real world yet they do the opposite of what we desire. Solomon the wisest of the Prophets encourages us "Train up a child in the way he/she should grow, and when they are old they will not depart from it. We just need to do what is required of us, and leave the rest in the hands of He who knows best.

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