by Heather Moores

Created on: February 07, 2009

Parenting a disabled child can be both emotionally and physically exhausting. Many times it feels like walking through a long tunnel with no light at the end. Yet you keep walking through that tunnel because that is what you have to do. No one else is going to do it for you. You are your child's best and only hope. You are his advocate. You are your child's own personal warrior against the world.

In the early days, this will be so hard to even imagine. You feel so lost and hopeless. This is exactly how my husband and I felt when two of our boys were diagnosed with Autism on the very same day. It was as if someone had stabbed me right through the heart, pulled the knife out, moved it directly underneath and thrust it upward. I have absolutely no idea how we made it through the first month. I did everything on automatic pilot. I would go grocery shopping and not even know what I was buying. I couldn't even talk to anyone. I wanted to yell and scream at everyone around me but I couldn't even open my mouth.

When you are in that much pain, it is so easy to just let yourself crawl into a black hole and stay there forever. When you are tempted to do this, and, believe me ,it will be several times a day, remember this: your child needs you. Without your love and guidance, he will be lost. This is the absolute truth. You are that child's whole world. It's time to get up and dust yourself off.

First and foremost, you cannot do this alone. You need some help. You need to find all available services to help your child and yourself. Find out what services are available in your state and take advantage of all of them. Look into respite care so that you and your spouse can go out together once in awhile. Respite care involves specialized therapists coming to your home to give you a much needed break.

Look into special schools that can help your child. Most of them are outrageously expensive but there are many ways you can obtain funding. Enlist the help of your child's doctors and therapists. Also, a child with disabilities has many additional expenses. Look into Supplemental Security Income from the government. It is a monthly fund based on family income. This is what we did and it definitely helps.

Do not alienate your spouse. You will have days when you want nothing to do with him or her. You will snap often at each other because you are both so stressed out. When you are unhappy, it's almost natural to take it out on each other. Do not fall into this trap. Anger and resentment

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