by Christine Costlow

Created on: February 05, 2009   Last Updated: February 13, 2009

Even adults can have "visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads" around the holidays. Not only Christmas, but Valentines Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, and all the summer picnic holidays create unrealistically high expectations that can dim the fun of any family get together or romantic dinner for two. The television and movie industry have convinced us that our problems can be solved by the end of the episode. Unfortunately, that does not always happen in real life. Here are some tips to cut down conflict and make your holiday celebrations memorable for the right reasons.

Do not expect family or friends to read your mind regarding your presents. It's appealing to think that the ones who love you would know what you wish to receive. However, reflect on your last shopping trip. Do you always make a great sweater selection for yourself? Haven't you returned a few things to the store in the past that you picked out yourself? Also remember that the person sacrificed time and money in the selection of their present. Respect the giver, and remember your mother's sage advice, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Family gatherings and office parties are often emotionally charged situations. Add liquor to the mix and it can become volatile! The best advice is simply to avoid any adult beverages. However, if you limit yourself to one an hour, with a grand total of less than three, you should be able to navigate conversations without giving offense.

If you are forced to deal with that person who's car is always better, who's children are more successful than yours, and who can't wait to tell you about it, then try some meditative techniques to remain in control. Learn to expand the amount of time between their conversational "action" and your reaction. Often, if you avoid saying the smart comment that pops into your head, the moment will pass without incident. See how long you can expand your reaction time, giving yourself time to think and calm down. Once you can control your tongue at will, saunter over to the buffet table and reward yourself with a tasty snack.

Remember that the holidays are no time to expound on your political views. Few things are as offensive to a true believer of either party as encountering the views from the opposing camp. Stick to the weather, and ..um...the weather. Maybe you could discuss past holiday get togethers that were successful.

Bring something to the table, literally. A new recipe will give you something to discuss that isn't perilous. Another helpful hint: bring a game or gadget that everyone can play or share. Even a photo album can create intimacy and foster great conversation in a positive way.

Finally, acknowledge that most folks have the kind of holiday they expect to have. Forgive offensive conduct immediately, control your urges to make controversial statements, and remember that your are surrounded by people who love you, despite your flaws. Then you'll have the kind of holiday that dreams are made of!

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