by Jeremy Jameson

Created on: February 05, 2009

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6, KJV).

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, KJV).

The Bible - our most important written guide for life - is not silent on the issue of child rearing. The two verses given as examples summarize the basic mission of parents: to prepare their children for life as autonomous adults, who will - ideally - successfully establish families of their own. This is what God wants for us as the human family. Much as He designed plants to spread their seeds and grow independent of (though often nearby) one another, so He designed the family mechanism to grow kids into responsible adults who will repeat the cycle and keep humanity going.

The first verse, from Proverbs, explains that parents should "train up a child in the way he should go." Many have taken this to simply mean teaching our kids about God and His ways, and while that's an important part of parenting, I think it goes beyond that."The way he should go" is not the same for each kid. God created each of us to be individual and unique from others; we tend to feel most fulfilled in our individuality when we most fully understand ourselves: our strengths, our weaknesses, our dreams, our fears, our purposes in life. It is the parent's job to help the children seek out these things in themselves while they are still young and have room to explore and make mistakes, for it's better to learn lessons while young when the consequences are less severe. Additionally, it helps to go into young adulthood with a good sense of one's self - where one has been, is now, and is going. Knowing their options and where they fit in the grand scheme of the human race and our history helps young people make good choices as they shape their adult lives. So yes, teach (through example as well as word) your children to be virtuous, but do not miss out on the joy of participating in their self-discovery and development.

The second verse, from Genesis, gives one answer to the more common question among parents about when to let go. It makes sense that one would (in normal, healthy circumstances) put their parents in first place in their lives until they married, at which point their spouse would have to be in first place. Many marriages have been strained or even ended because of difficulties with in-laws created by the unhealthy codependency that

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