by Sammy Stein

Created on: February 05, 2009   Last Updated: February 18, 2009

I have Asperger's Syndrome and I would like to tell you what it is. Imagine living in a world where people all round you have their secret language. They communicate with each other not just with words (words I can understand) but with little subtleties like the way they smile - a smile can mean many things, from happiness to sarcasm apparently, and small changes in how they stand, the way they fold their arms, how they look facially and you, with Asperger's are outside all of this and do not understand.

Jokes go over my head and although I am supposed to be gifted and talented in maths and science I find it difficult when a teacher explains something to me and uses phrases I don't understand. For example, the other day in science I was told an idea came ' out of the blue.' Out of the blue what? I asked. Then my teacher said I appeared to have a chip on my shoulder - I do not; my shoulders are perfectly all right. She thought I was being rude and I got sent out because when I get frustrated and miss things because I cannot fathom the meaning behind certain phrases or sayings, I get angry. It was suggested I 'take 5 minutes to calm down' but all I wanted was someone to explain the principles of thermo-explosion in clear, simple terms. My class mates think I am weird , I am not, I just need clear explanations, especially when it is a subject I like!

I do not 'read' other people well and I cannot understand the changes in peoples' faces. Looking someone in the eye is, to me, very hard because it makes me feel very uncomfortable and yet people expect you to do it even when you do not know them well. Teachers keep asking me to look at them when they are shouting at me but why should I? It makes me feel vulnerable and upset. Then I get called rude and uncooperative.

I have been excluded from school for the present because everything spiralled out of control. I was told by my teacher to stand outside the class until everyone had a look at me. In less than 5 minutes she came and told me to come back in but only a few people had looked at me and our school has over 1000 students, so I stayed there until everyone had gone past in lesson change. She said I was being difficult but I was just trying to do what I had been asked. Then the head teacher got involved and I got sent home with a letter for my parents and I cannot go back for a few days.

I feel like a foreigner sometimes. Everyone talks differently to me and seems to think differently to me. I like logic and timetables

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