by Mopes

Created on: February 05, 2009

Arguing is inevitable in any relationship. There will be a time when you look at your companion and feel pure anger. Nobody's perfect, not even the love of your life.

Even so, it's important to do what you can to actively prevent arguing from taking over the relationship. There are a few simple things you can remember to both reduce the frequency of arguments, and to cut the arguments short once they begin.

DON'T REACT DEFENSIVELY

If your partner is commenting on your actions, they have a reason for it. If they're frustrated by something you're doing, don't react immediately by telling them why what you're doing is okay. They might be right. If you consider the same situation reversed you will often see that you would feel the same in their shoes. Believe it or not, this rule alone can prevent 99% of all fights.

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

Before the argument even starts, it can usually be prevented by just stopping for a moment and considering if now is the time to criticize. Because of the comfort level that's associated with a long term relationship it's common for couples to become frustrated and direct that anger to their partner. Something as simple as leaving the milk out isn't something to make a big deal out of.

SET UP A "TIMEOUT"

It sounds so simple. Parents use it on their children to "think about what they have done." But if it works so well on kids, why can't we use it in relationships? Well, you can. Talk to your partner and set up a signal that simply means the argument is paused for a moment or two. Make it a funny phrase or a simple word. Something as simple as saying "purple monkey dishwasher" will break the tension, especially if your partner knows what it means.

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, TAKE A WALK

Seriously, if an argument continues to escalate despite all efforts, take a walk. You should throw on your sneakers, and take a stroll around the block. Literally, go for a walk. The fresh air will do you good, and the extended time away from the problem will give you time to think. Even if you still disagree when you get back, you will be much calmer. This will open the opportunity for an open dialogue.

These four simple tips prevent any argument from escalating to a point where you're actually angry with your partner. If they don't work, it probably means there's a serious problem with the relationship. Nobody's perfect, but if a relationship turns into a constant disagreement then it's probably not the right relationship for either of you.

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