by Kahlen Ryba

Created on: January 23, 2007   Last Updated: May 14, 2007

Wait. Weight...

i wait. and that is me.
i wait and it burns in me and eats at my stomach and tires my eyes
and i wait and i wait for something that seems it will never be mine.
how lonely.
i stand on my porch and smoke my cigarettes
and i wait and i burn and i writhe in self-hatred and regret
and i wait and i die and i wait and i live and i wait and i cry and i wait
and i wait and i wait.
while my life is slipping away.
i thought this was supposed to be me reining it all in.
taking charge in a way that had burned in my heart for so long.
but yet i am still waiting.
so unhealthy and so despairingly like before.
i wait.
and i cry and i watch my cigarette dig into my skin with its fiery embrace and i watch my cigarette fall from my fingertips as i watch my life fall in the same way. what do i wait for?
why does it burn within me so?
why do i wait so watchful and metamorphic for this something i can't even say?
i miss him. i miss them all. i love him. i love them all.
i wait and i die each second that i wait.
but i don't know what else to do.
so i wait.
cigarette in hand.
life in the other.
and i wait.
in the night.
in the cool air after the rain.
i wait and i burn and i long and i die.
but i still wait.
it hurts.

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