by Harry Hullabaloo

Created on: January 23, 2007   Last Updated: May 01, 2007

To my mind the first thing to consider when transitioning your child from your bed to their own is whether the child is ready for this step. If your child gets very upset when you discuss the idea with them then maybe you should wait a month or so before bringing it up again. Don't try to force the issue, it's human nature to recoil from something that's forced upon us. There really isn't any rush to get your child moved to their own bed after all, you'll certainly miss them when they're gone.

When you feel they are ready though there is no reason that it has to be all or nothing. How about you start your child's night in their own bed, but if they wake up in the night let them back in yours. Some people think this won't work for some reason (and that apparently you should tell your child off for wanting to spend the rest of the night being cuddled by Mummy or Daddy), but again I would say that the most important thing is to not turn it into a fight. Making bedtime or night time unpleasant for your child by arguing with them is hardly going to be conducive to them feeling safe and secure. Accept that your child still needs you at night. They may come through every night for a few weeks or months, but eventually they'll stop doing this - and believe me the first emotion you'll feel the first time you wake up in your own bed without a child is sadness!

My wife and I have two children now, and the first one didn't sleep straight through the night in her own bed until she was nearly nineteen months old. She then slept through the night in her own bed almost every single night until she was two and a half and her sister was born.

At that time she started coming back through to our bed in the middle of the night, but when you try and consider the massive change to her world it's not very surprising that she wasn't sleeping well is it? By allowing her in our bed and not giving her any reason to add to the natural insecurities she felt due to the arrival of a sibling she now sleeps through the night in her own bed once again (after just a few months).

I can't stress enough how important we found it to accept our child's need for Mummy or Daddy during the night. By starting her in her own bed but letting her come through to ours when she wanted to she effectively made the transition herself when she was ready.

By doing this we have ended up (eventually) with a child who sleeps happily in her own bed all night. More importantly we ended up with a child who has made the transition herself, gently and happily rather than forcefully and unpleasantly.

Isn't that the best way for everyone concerned?

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