by Kelly Adolph

Created on: February 04, 2009   Last Updated: July 23, 2010

There are a multitude of words I can relay,

In order to convince him of who I really am.

I find myself spending extreme amounts of time, ignoring my needs.

In order not to dissuade him from his master plan.

Confusion is a state of being confused.

Not knowing from which to come or choose.

I'm not there!

I'm fully aware of my wants ,

Desires,

And needs.

Though I find myself succumbing to the immediate needs of others, more often than not.

Encouraging myself each day,

To merely express what I feel, without that level of fear.

Who am I?

Trying to convince myself in simple retrospect,

In order to share my concerns.

My perception reveals a lack of trust,

On behalf of the one I speak.

As ridiculous as that may sound,

It is reality

Only due to his lack of knowledge as to who I am.

A test to proclaim,

My inability to articulate my thoughts into spoken words.

The simple motives in everyday events.

Failing ridiculously,

Unable to succeed, for fear of being exposed.

Open too wide, that any obscured draft can seep in and cause a terrifying series of unethical events.

I try to convince you of my good intentions.

Aware with each attempt,

That those ill-conceived notions are still at bay.

Wanting your trust.

Needing your confidence.

Searching the hidden archives of your heart for your belief.

Can he even see me?

No misconceptions,

No hidden agenda's,

No dramatically televised emotions,

No lack of respect, or faith,

No judgments perceived or spoken in my heart.

Loyalty is all I have,

Given effortlessly,

Can he even see who I am.

In search,

To find that emotional state that others express in everyday conversation.

Sporadic spurts of uncouth beings of bull..

Shit

Exposed finally,

To a delicate connection in "shut off" status.

Can he even see who I am?

Does it matter?

Is there some paranormal event that keeps him drawn to an unscrupulously harmful hemisphere.

Are the scurries of idolization,

Deceitfulness,

Symptomatic nonsense,

What he really thrives for.

Does these actions and accusations, show him some level of corrupt Love>

He can't see me.

Over the chaotic escapades of former entities that cause distress.

If he merely visualized what I have to offer,

He'd see inside me,

A calmness without reaction,

A joy without cause,

A companion of sorts, without melodramatic consequences.

A spiritual friendship that supercedes all else.

A love of spectacular gratification

Yet,

Still learning.

A normalcy in a world of acceptable abnormal behavior.

A genuine,

Uncommercialized care,

Concern,

And love for another person,

Under no made up fairytale of what "true love" should be.

If he could just see me.

He'd see undeniable strength,

Independence,

And honesty,

And unclaimed heart of pureness,

Untainted by the actions and motives of prior conquest.

Security,

In knowing,

Never guessing,

That her loyalty will go unfaltered for the duration.

All he has to do is take a look at who I am.

And he'll see,

What's real,

True,

Dedicated,

Sincere,

Faithful,

If he'd just look at me,

I guarantee him, in all surety,

That I am his hearts desire,

All he has to do is see me.

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