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make his frickin lamp work! You sicken me, Brian!

Andrew is there because he truly deserves to be. That monster taped 'hairy' Larry Lesters buns together! How in Gods name do you top that without involving a bodycount? They're all sitting around stoned and confessing their sins like they're at a catholic AA meeting and we learn that Claire is able to put on lipstick by holding it in the cleavage that she doesn't have. Bender is not impressed.

Everyone starts yelling at one another and crying and it's about this point that I tuned out because I was having flashbacks of family holidays. As it turns out Andrew and the psycho, dandruff-artist, Allison fall in love while Claire falls in love with Bender. So every one is getting some action except for Brian who Claire suckers into writing the essay for all of them . Excuse me but that's messed up. Brian's doing all the work and getting no action out of it. Oh well. To Hell with that non-lamp making rat bastard! If he learned how to make a proper elephant lamp then he'd be getting some hot action too.

At the end of the day Claire gives one of her diamond earrings to Bender which he promptly puts in his ear. Ten dudes in full drag, singing showtunes in the middle of a pride march in San Francisco- not as fruity as Judd Nelson wearing a diamond earring! At the end we are treated to some hot John Bender "fist-pumping" action as he's walking across the football field. Is he saying, "Yay! Detention's over!"? Is he saying, "Yay! I'm gonna get me some hot Molly Ringwaldian action!"? I always assumed he did his bad ass fist-pump because he knew that tonight it was gonna be "him, Principal Vernon, beer, and the new Krokus album!"

Learn more about this author, E.J. Lambda.
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