by Vanessa Chris

Created on: February 03, 2009   Last Updated: February 09, 2009

For starters, it's not because you're nice. That seems to be a crutch - or an excuse - many guys fall back on to justify the opposite sex's lack of interest in them.

For most women, it's not the 'niceness' factor that they find unattractive - it's the other qualities that accompany a self-proclaimed 'nice guy'. Insecurity, lack of self respect, inability to take charge of a situation, dishonesty.

If you've ever...

- Silently allowed the object of your affection to flip to a rerun of Friends when you would have preferred to watch a much-anticipated sporting event;

- Listened to her talk about her ex-boyfriends, or current crushes, without cutting her off even though it made you uncomfortable, instead opting to play the role of the 'good listener';

- Waited until you'd known her for over six months before mustering up the courage to ask her out;

- Called her immediately after meeting her - and every day following that original meeting - despite the fact these conversations cut into your social plans;

...Then you've far surpassed the role of a 'nice guy'. You're a guy who is being nice because he thinks that's what girls want. And there's a big difference between the two.

Girls like guys who have minds of their own. Who have interests and friends and desires they're not afraid to act on. You don't have to be an extrovert to be appealing to women, and you don't have to be a jerk. But you have to be honest - with yourself and with her.

Obviously, every woman is different, and some women - particularly those who don't yet know what they want - do like jerks. But those who are ready for a relationship will find the 'nice guy' attribute appealing. They will want to be treated with respect, and meet a significant other who can be both a friend and more. But they won't want to the take time to ease someone's constant insecurities, and they won't be willing to prod you along every step of the relationship.

That's why it's important to figure out what kind of relationship you want - what kind of person you want to be with - and to be picky! Instead of hiding your interests, use them as a barometer to find a girl that's right for you. If you like sports, find someone who is open to going to sporting events, and who is willing to learn about your favourite team.

If you find someone that you really like - and I mean really like, not someone who is merely willing to talk to you - make it known. Ask her out on a date the moment you get the urge to, and don't play the 'just a friend' role.

Don't be over-eager. It's fine to call a girl shortly after a first date, but don't call her every day. At the beginning of any relationship, there has to be a little time for things to sink in - give her a chance to call you.

By staying true to yourself, rather than what you think women want, you'll not only be earning a better reputation for nice guys everywhere - but you'll finish first, too.

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