by Dolores Moore

Created on: February 03, 2009

As an accomplished multi-tasker of the female variety, the very idea of only being able to do TEN things is laughable. One hundred and ten plus, and then you might be in the realms of reality. But with no wish to offend my fellow-man, I will attempt to pare these things down to the required minimum, though I feel the simple list is bound to expand. Those ten things also raise the question as to the context of what, when and where these abilities should display themselves. That is when it all becomes rather complex and convuluted. I am not one to shirk my duty, so here are my suggested TEN things every man should be able to do.

1. COOK A MEAL FOR FOUR while cleaning up as you go. This means marketing, preparing, timing and serving, all part of one "thing." To really be able to do this thing, you must keep clearing away to avoid mess and mass panic on the part of female guests. The food must also be reasonably edible.

2. COMPLETE A LAUNDRY. Yes, load, wash, dry and iron a whole laundry basket full of dirty clothes. You must be able to separate, use the correct washer and drier settings, the right detergent, not shrink or dye anything, not burn any item, and finally, put it all away in the right places.

3. CLEAN A HOUSE EVERY WEEK. You should be able to know the idiosyncrasies of the vacuum cleaner, use the correct toilet cleaner, polish the bathroom surfaces, shine up the windows, scrub the kitchen floor and make all surfaces dust and dirt-free.

4. RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS OF PRE-MENSTRUAL TENSION. This is not just a thing a man should be able to do, it is a vital skill that could save your life. With the recognition comes the responsibilities for hot pads, tea, comfort and complete, sensitive understanding.

5. CARE FOR A NEW BORN BABY. Not only love, tenderness and protective instincts are needed here, you must also be able to heat and feed formula, change a diaper and sing a lullaby with your eyes half closed at 3.00 a.m. on a Winter's morning.

6. MANAGE A TODDLER'S PARTY. From jelly and cake to toilet visits and games, from tantrums and tummy aches, you need to accomplish all this efficiently to maintain your status as an able man. The art of deflection and the roles of referee and entertainer are also required.

7. REMEMBER BIRTHDAYS AND ANNIVERSARIES - AND ACT ACCORDINGLY. You must get the right cards, the most thoughtful gifts and deliver them on time to the right people. No short cuts or cheap presents; you must put your mind and heart into this ability.

8. GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARTNER'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS. No matter how much you want to slap them or sever all ties, you must be able to do this thing. You have to subdue your natural dislikes and/or killer instincts for the sake of love, peace and harmony.

9. READ THE SIGNALS OF ALL EMOTIONS. This means you will be sensitive to romantic "demands," to dark moods, to bubbling resentments and all underlying problems. In fact, you should be able to read minds efficiently. Not only that, you should be able to listen, share, offer and deliver solutions to almost everything.

10. TAKE POSITIVE ACTION. At all times, whether washing a shirt or comforting a child, supporting a partner or exhibiting saint-like tolerance, you must act and do so positively and correctly. This should be your "thing."

There now, that isn't too difficult, is it? Just ten things a man should be able to do. I am certain there are milliions of men out there fully capable of all these actions, but then I am such an optimist. Perhaps a big notebook and a life coach might be of assistance. No, I don't really mean that, you can do this, I have every faith in the men of the world.

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