by Angela Mentch

Created on: February 02, 2009

When I look back at my life I am so envious of my sisters and my parents. I have to wonder if there was something that I missed. Was I absent the day that my parents talked about "this" or absent when they talked about "that"? Did I just turn them off when I should of been paying attention? If I paid attention when I was a kid would it of made me a better person now? I have to think that's a possibility. Maybe I never would of gone through all the heartache,stress, and troubles that I'm going through now.

My sisters are wonderful, beautiful people that I have to wonder how did I get thrown in with them. I have always felt like the ugly duckling. All three of my sisters have a Bachelors Degree or Master Degree in their chosen professions and they either own their homes, their vehicles and all have families. Why do I look in the mirror and feel like a failure?

My parents are the nicest people your ever going to meet. Now granted they ask themselves the same questions I have asked myself, I think that we have come up with some of our own conclusions. I was a good kid until those dreaded teenage years, then I was a rebellious,troubled young person that didn't know what she wanted out of her life.

My dad told me that there were two roads to life, hard and easy. The easy road was the goals that you set for yourself and that you acheieve with a little hard work and decient education. The hard road was nothing but hard knocks,not knowing what to expect from one minute to the next. My sister's all took that easy road with the goals and expectations that they set for themselves and they are being rewarded for that. They all have beautiful families and homes and I am proud that they acheieved that for themselves.

As for me, I don't have a Bachelors degree, I don't have a Masters degree, I did try college on a couple of times. Did I like it, at first I thought it was the best move that I could ever make, then the dreaded problems began. My youngest daughter was only 3 and she was in pre-school,it was great,unfortunately it colided with my college classes and I would have to leave and drive to her school and get her, take her back to the college with me to work in the computer lab to get my assignments done. She would take her a nap under the desk that I was working at, my professor thought that was unusual. I knew that I couldn't keep doing that so I had to withdraw.

I have been married twice, divorced, been through bankruptcy, foreclosure, reposession, homelessness and a disapearing spouse. Am I proud that I have been through these things, No. I just want to look in the mirror and see a happy person who loves what is going on around her. I haven't seen her in a long time. I just wish that I could find her again, together we can make the changes to be the person that I would like to be.

Learn more about this author, Angela Mentch.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.