by Mj Ferruzza

Created on: February 02, 2009

Was it Shakespeare who once said "Ah to reside through residuals!" Probably not! Commercials can not be compared to Shakespeare and should not be treated as such.

I am especially intrigued why Super Bowl ads have been become some supposed earth shaking, strike up the heavenly choir, manna from Madison Ave. In truth I see Super Bowl ads and those who feign some sort of fanaticism about them as a Cannes Festival for Corn Pones.

Yes! They are clever. Yes! They break up the tedium of a verbose, yet annoying John Madden, a Joe Buck or a Phil Simms. Yes! They make up for what can be a dreadful Super Bowl game match-up. But plying them with accolades is just saying 'I stuck around the TV, so not to lose my seat, instead of eating more of my sister-in-laws seven layer dip and stealing their last Heineken!'

Most Super Bowl ads can make you laugh, tug at the heart strings, make great water cooler conversation at the office throughout the coming week, and be seen uploaded on Youtube 10 minutes after the game. But let's dissect one of the greatest Super Bowl ads and see just what a crock that 30 year old dinosaur really was:

The Mean Joe Green and the Kid Coke Commercial

Mean Joe Green (a media guide inspired nickname to one of the most aggressive defensive players of all time - yet supposedly kind hearted in the real world) gets hurt during some 'game'. After he has supposedly passed some fans waving pennants, he hobbles down a runway on the way to the locker room. Wait! A player passes fans? Fans can make contact to a sports star? OK! This IS a fantasy! And where are the plethora of 20+ trainers and doctors around him. The team would want instant notification on their star defensive player immediately. "Team doctor! Get the shot ready! I want him back by the end of the third quarter!"

Kid stops him in his tracks. Wait! What is a kid doing in the hall leading to the lockers? Ah! He must be the owner's grandson. The kid that all the players have to be nice to on the team plane, bus and hotels as he sets fire to their playbooks and puts Icy Hot in jocks pre-game! What a scamp!

The Kid offers Mean Joe a Coke. Now most athletes know that downing a carbonated beverage after the heat of competition will lead to some stomach discomfort. But the TV audience does not care. They want Mean Joe to take the nice little white boy's Coke!

Mean Joe downs the Coke like he's Bluto from Animal House and "they (just) took the bar!" The Coke soothes the savage football destroyer!

Mean Joe stops the dejected kid (Did he just mean a sip?) as he walks off. The Kid looks back just in time to get laundry from the Superstar. Maybe a subtle way for the kid to take it back to Grandpa Moneybags as a reminder to pay up or next season he starts for the Raiders!

And you just that you were watching some heart warming football moment! I apologize.

I do like quite a few Super Bowl ads, but don't need the major and local networks to glad hand a few yokels and have them comment and poll their personal favorites. What I would give to hear... "The commercials? I didn't see any! I was out on the front porch waiting for the Dominoes guy while drinking somebody else's six pack of Heinekens!" Now that would make for GREAT TV!

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