by Jon Crosby

Created on: February 02, 2009   Last Updated: February 04, 2009

Like many others, I have often had to deal with office bullies both as a line worker and manager. Since I was never inclined to be abusive to others, had what I believed to be a friendly and unassuming demeanor, and never viewed myself as a threat to anyone, why bullies targeted me remained a mystery. Amazingly, I was even bullied as a division director by my superiors and subordinates. I continually asked myself why and, more importantly, how I could avoid it.

Seeking advice from others wiser than me was one of the best decisions I could have made. I soon learned that there are simply personality types that thrive on perceived weakness in others. And, while you would think that being polite, humble, unassuming, and non-threatening would prompt bullies to find other targets, I soon learned that my type of demeanor tended to attract bullies like a magnet. After all, why pick a fight with a fighter - unless a real fight is what you are looking for. Those who bully would usually run from a fight, and they seem to thrive on the rush they get by belittling, humiliating, or frightening others.

As a martial arts instructor and competitor for many years, and a former police officer, I am well aware of the potential ramifications of over-reacting to verbal abuse. It's the old adage, "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me." In reality, names can hurt you, if not physically, emotionally. But that does not justify (in the legal arena) breaking someone's knee with a side kick, or tossing someone over a desk for making a rude, disparaging, or even threatening remark.

There comes a time when you simply have to stand your ground, and this may be totally out of character and uncomfortable for you. If you don't stand your ground, the bullying will likely continue. If you do, the bully may find another target or, in the worse case scenario, the situation could escalate.

Citing an example from my youth, we had an 18 year old in our middle school who made a career out of bullying. He stood at least four inches taller than most others, and no one would dare confront him. He never missed an opportunity to ridicule, harass, belittle, and even beat on me. It seemed that every time I turned a corner, he would be right there. I hated the thought of going to school, in real anticipation that this bully supreme would ruin yet another of my days.

One day, I was riding my motor scooter through the neighborhood and, to my surprise, I saw the bully in the front yard

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