by Tina Shelnutt

Created on: February 02, 2009   Last Updated: February 04, 2009

As in any relationship, we learn by example and from life experience. When a couple has overcome many issues which can rise over time, they have knowledge and insight on certain matters which others may not be able to relate to. You go to a doctor for advice on a condition. You go to a scholar to learn what they specialize in, and you go to a friend who has been through the same problems you are experiencing.

After a wedding service, my husband and I went to congratulate our friends who had just married. To our surprise, as we gave hugs and wishes for a fantastic future together, they both held our hands and said ' IF our marriage can be even a tenth like yours, we will be happy'. This came as a surprise to us as we too had our share of problems in our relationship. We had no secret formula or knowledge which we could credit this statement to. We were flattered by their statement.

Over the years we have had many couples come to us for advice. And we felt the same as we had at the wedding that day. We are no different than any other couple and we had our share of problems. But, some where in the midst of living our life together, we must have done something right; we found love and lived life the best we knew how.

A married couple can only help other married couples if they have truly learned how to live together. Their foundation has to be strong and fair. They have to be willing to view each other with an open mind and unconditional love. Respect and appreciation for which we spend our time with is key. The method in which you help another couple is important. You are there to be a sounding board for them and help them put things into perspective. IT's not a He said...She said conversation.

Marriage's are tough and require hard work and commitment on both sides. It's not a matter of control, abuse or degrading comments. It's not a matter of who is boss or the winner in the daily grind of things. It's not a competition to see who gets their way or who has their say. You are not living a single life; you are living a life of unity, love, compromise and forgiveness. A couple needs to know who their enemies are...you are not each others enemy. You are each others help-meet, protector, lover, stronghold, friend, and partner.

If you wish to talk with someone you feel has a pretty good marriage, then do it. You will gain a lot of insight to the fact they too have struggled with the same or similar issues. You will see that there is hope to overcome allot of what you both struggle with. As with any walk of life, one thing holds true; we learn from others mistakes and live to love like others you know. Choose your mentors wisely and know that the rewards can be enormous.

Seek out those who you feel you can relate with. Know that the advice of another couple is just another resource to help you get things in your marriage in line with what you both had dreamed your marriage would be. Another couple can help, but only to the extent of how much you are willing to put forth to make your marriage work. A marriage which operates on each others strengths will last forever and reap the awesome rewards that a happy marriage has to offer.

A spouse is a lover, giver and friend, a stronghold and hero when times are spread thin. The first one you see as you wake every morn and the one who you kiss when your day is done. Unity reigns with each passing year as your love and foundation grows on.

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