by Michael Pitre

Created on: February 02, 2009   Last Updated: July 30, 2011

Despite controversy over the legitimacy of online relationships, our world abounds with stories of successful long-term romances with origins in cyberspace. While most would be hard pressed to deny that online dating can result in a happy ending, the common perception is that these happy endings are as rare and spectacular as the appearance of Halley's Comet.

"The internet is a place of unspeakable horror," begins the skeptic's tale, "where deceit lies around every corner, and you can never know who anyone really is until it's too late!" One might be tempted to shriek in terror before realizing, "Deception? Disappointment? This doesn't sound so different from traditional dating!" The pitfalls of dating in either arena are so tightly entwined that we cannot strip online relationships of their authenticity without declaring traditional relationships a hoax as well.

Fear of the new and unfamiliar has caused exaggerated scrutiny to befall internet dating. With the slightest notion that the internet might be employed as a tool of deception, online dating suddenly becomes the next Frankenstein's monster, an abomination born from the unholy fusion of love and technology. "You're nothing but a lie!" scream the villagers, waving torches and pitchforks, as if no one had ever been fooled in a traditional relationship.

A variety of personal misrepresentations are expected during online interactions, ranging from distorted or entirely fake photos to fictional profile information. We're told that, until we've seen the subject of our interest face to face, they're little more than a figment of our imagination. Although one could argue that accurate, real-time audio-visual interaction is possible via webcam, even this falls far from the crux of the matter. The main problem is the belief that physical proximity will render us immune to deception, magically bestowing us the power to discern our partner's true nature. Only through this miracle of traditional dating, ever the Blue Fairy to online dating's Pinocchio, can the internet relationship become real.

As appealing as this fairy tale sounds, it is, unfortunately, just a fairy tale. Relationships that take place in close proximity are no less prone to misleading first impressions and heart-crushing discoveries down the road. Even in the most accredited traditional relationship, a marriage, signs of infidelity might go undetected for years. The reality is that we cannot define the legitimacy of a relationship by the perceived level of clarity within it. Nothing, short of launching a full scale investigation of one's partner (followed by twenty-four hour surveillance), would grant anyone the qualification necessary to deem their relationship real by these standards.

A relationship is made real simply by the willing participation of the two people within it. Whether any given couple is as knowledgeable about each other as we would prefer is irrelevant, as is the relationship's resulting success or failure. The online relationship, as strange or unsuitable as some may find it, is nonetheless real.

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