by Paula A

Created on: January 23, 2007   Last Updated: February 26, 2010

After you have been abused how long should it take to bounce back and start to live a normal life again? Can we ever bounce back and what is a normal life?

If you know the answer to this you are very lucky and probably don't need to read any further because you obviously have your life on track and know where you are headed, please could you write and article and tell me and thousands of others your secret to success?

For most people there are no hard and fast rules, each person is unique and they must take their own time and do what is right for them, maybe it will take a year, maybe two, three or twenty, maybe the abuser has to die before you feel any real relief but that can also bring its own problems for others.

For some the flashbacks, the nightmares, the recollection of what happened just keeps coming back to haunt them, you may be quite happy then suddenly it comes crashing in like a waterfall and you have no control over where it goes, all you know is that is has a way of intruding on your life when you least expect it, or maybe it just never goers away and you live with the feeling everyday with no respite.

You may feel lonely, fearful, depressed, ashamed, guilty, dirty or worthless. You may come to dislike your body and want to hide it under baggy clothes; maybe you want to make it look ugly so that you are no longer attractive. Again each person is completely different, some will gorge themselves with food and become obese while others starve themselves into anorexia.

What ever you do try not blame yourself, it wasn't your fault, this was something which was done to you not by you or with you, you didn't consent to the abuse you suffered.

Sometimes having a good sex life with a loving partner is difficult, no matter how much you try you just can't get beyond your past experience and the fear comes back everytime you get close to someone. Hopefully your partner understands is patient, kind and caring, it can be as hard on a partner as it is on you because they don't know how to help you, they cannot protect you from your past, maybe they will come for therapy with you but if not seek help yourself.

What ever you do, how ever you cope, take care of yourself, how ever you deal with it it's your pain and no-one can truly understand how that feels unless you tell them, talk to a good counsellor or if you don't like the idea of one to one join a group.

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