by Tina Shelnutt

Created on: February 01, 2009   Last Updated: February 06, 2009

You can take two very decent people and watch them become raving maniacs when faced with divorce. The children involved in the divorce are left with one thing...uncertainty. Most children do not understand why they no longer have both parents at home. Many of them feel as though it is their fault that mom and dad have separated.

The adults involved in divorce 'MUST' at all cost, think of the kids first. They need to feel some sort of security, love, connection to each parent, reinforcement of promises, maintained scheduled visits and accountability on both parents part. Divorce is like a death to a child. Every time the parent visits and leaves again, they go through separation anxiety all over again. When they display frustration or discontent, they are reprimanded instead of reassured.

Here are some guidelines for parents to follow when they are getting divorced:

1. Both parents need to sit down with the children and explain to them what is happening and what to expect. Give them the opportunity to vent or ask questions. Be patient and compassionate to their needs and fears.

2. Parents need to agree...without exceptions, to never bad mouth each other to the kids or in their presence. You never tell a child that dad slept with another woman, or he is a loser. Mom is a player. What in the world do the children need to know these things for? True or not, you are the adults and you should act like it.

3. NEVER...USE YOUR KIDS AS A TOOL TO GET AT THE OTHER PERSON! I have seen people who will ask the kids a thousand questions about their visit with dad or mom and what they are doing. Who they are seeing, or what are they planning. They prod to learn any little tid-bit which they can use against them at a later time.

4. Children are not a message delivery service. They should not be asked to discuss child support with a parent on any level. All money matters and such are strictly discussed between the adults. Your child not only feels stressed over this, they also feel reluctant to talk to either parent in fear of what will be expected of them next.

5. The adult matters should always remain in the adult arena. Do not discussed or argue in front of the children. If you have to communicate through email or some other form of communication where the kids do not see or hear you being angry or acting foolish. The emotional damage from divorce can cut so deep, it can affect your child for life.

6. There is a fine line you walk as a single parent. It's never easy and always trying.

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>