by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: February 01, 2009

There are three of us involved in every relationship I enter into. It's back to the original two when it ends and it is always doomed to end. There aren't many men that can understand or deal with the fact that there will always be another man in my heart. I try to hide it from them, to keep it inside and not reveal it ever, but it is like a subliminal message comes to them and they somehow know.

It's been fifteen years now since I was with the man who would haunt my heart and my dreams ever since. I never forget how long it's been because I can count the years by my youngest daughter's birthday. When I met him, he took my breath away. It wasn't his looks, it was the way I could look into his eyes and see every dream I'd ever had. This may sound like I'm waxing poetic, but it is the truth. It was love at first sight and though I'd never believed in such a thing as "soul mates", I had no doubt of their existence from that point on.

He was visiting town with the thought of relocating, so he was checking out the jobs in his field and the housing situation and economy. We shared every spare moment together for a time. We talked and dreamed and laughed and loved. We both had children from prior relationships and wanted to make a family together. And then came the day that we had hoped never would. Things weren't panning out for the move and with a child of his own, he had to have the stability to provide for his little boy. It was time to go home, but we decided that we would try to keep in touch.

As often happens in these long-distance relationships, things began to fizzle out with both of us feeling lonely and unsure of the future. I got into another relationship and was spending a day at home with the new man. I was both shocked, mortified and thrilled when my true love ended up at my door, having driven four hours to come and see if I wanted to keep trying. He wanted me to just pack up and move home with him. Because of my circumstances, I couldn't just leave everything and start over, as tempting as it was. Or, so I thought at the time. I should have taken it as a signal when I was willing to leave my house and the other man in my life to go with him for the afternoon. Why that guy stuck around after that is beyond me, but it didn't last much longer anyways.

Another couple of years went by and I found another man to love. I ended up marrying him, but not without some trepidation. The thing that got in the way of my bliss and excitement with him was the letter that

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